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#24740 - 02/18/04 09:08 AM Re: My experience with SA
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Hey, IA
It's another brother, David.
Man, do you remind me of a lot of stuff. I've been working on this crap for a long time, and since I found this place just 11 months ago, I've really made some leaps and bounds toward healing.
Not only are these guys the best brothers a guy could ask for, they are full of
Believe me, these guys can reassure you like no people I've ever met.
And, reassurance is what we need. Stuff like, "it wasn't our fault," and, "we're not to blame." I hope that you learn those basic phrases, and that you will embrace them as your personal battle cry.
There are some things that we can do and more of us are becoming more politically involved to get them done.
Welcome to our club house, sorry that you had to go looking for a place like this but we're glad that you have joined our "band of brothers."


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#24741 - 02/18/04 09:31 AM Re: My experience with SA
Em Offline

Registered: 01/19/04
Posts: 38
Loc: North East Ohio


I'm glad you've found this and I hope it will begin to help as it has for me. As you see, you are not alone. The gentlemen here share many of the thoughts, feelings, and pains with you. I have been to the very edge and luckily did not end my life.

Try not to look at the past as wasted time. I've done that a great deal. I've learned in a short period of time since I began to recover from my past, that it doesn't help any to regret not starting recovery sooner. The past is gone, the future is a mystery, but today is what matters the most. I've only begun healing, and only a month ago did I start this new chapter of my life. It is a better chapter, and there are many gentlemen here who understand it and will give you good advice as they have given me.

I'm glad you are here. I know that it can help.


#24742 - 02/18/04 04:04 PM Re: My experience with SA
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA

You are not alone anymore, as you can see.

One of the friends I've met through this site wrote about "making the past I will have" (if I haven't mangled it too horribly). Today's actions will be tomorrow's memories. You got here when you could. Don't think about what it might be like if only you started sooner, or if only anything else.

Think about what it can be like now that you've started.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#24743 - 02/18/04 05:20 PM Re: My experience with SA
Brayton Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
I PM pretty regularly with a guy here who is about 10 years younger than me but who often seems about 10 years ahead of me in his recovery.

It doesn't any good to make these comparisons but I still catch myself doing them. I compare how late I have gotten into specifically SA treatment and recovery. I compare the relative "seriousness" of the abuse I experienced with the stories of other guys here. And it goes on and on but when I am thinking clearly, as I am in this moment, I see that those comparisons are empty, they have no substance.

The only comparison worth looking at is our similarity of symptoms and the difficulty of our recoveries.

This is a place of finding support (its made a huge difference in my life in just a few months' time), a place to share frustrations, and a place to share success and happiness.

There isn't a lot of support out there for male survivors. This is our safe place, our haven. Welcome. Its good to have you here. You are alone no more.

Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

#24744 - 02/19/04 09:52 AM Re: My experience with SA
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am very sorry of how all this happened for you, and how your family chose to ignore it. I am glad you were able to at least talk with some about it at such a young age, even if it did not have the full help effect. I chose to tell someone of what was happening when I was 15, but i make wrong choice of who to tell, and it was bad thing.

I hope that you find this site to be helpful in your healing, and feeling that you are understood. Welcome, and I wish you well.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#24745 - 02/19/04 08:36 PM Re: My experience with SA
FlyWM Offline

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
Welcome to this site, and welcome to the 'family' of survivors that are here. I am sorry you had to endure what you were forced to, no one should have to suffer like that. I am glad at 12 you could talk of it some even if you were not believed, it was good you talked of it. I am sorry your parents haven;t been really supportive of you and believe you, but I hope in time they will come around. You had to suffer things no child should have to, and you survived and that is something to be proud of. Again welcome to this site and I hope it can be helpful for you.


Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.


#24746 - 02/20/04 12:09 AM Re: My experience with SA
MrEdd Offline

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 340
Loc: Texas
Hey IA,
I tried to tell my mom too, (when I was 5) and several times during the six years my sister and I were being fucked and abused in a filthy hole of a home daycare. She wouldn't listen even when she got there and found me locked in a dark closet half full of trash. You were a kid. Your progenitors refused to be parents.
Sorry for your hurts,

Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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