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#247128 - 08/28/08 11:36 PM I will
kutcher Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Been on this site for a very short time and I can't begin to tell you the comfort it has brought me.

While driving home today something just came over me and I begin to laugh and cry, it felt like my body and head would explode if I did not put words to thoughts and declare to those around me
What I will

So my apologies for the lenght and ramdomness of it but here it goes

I will re-dicover the beuty in the world
I will heal the child inside and become the man I want to be
I will lean to laugh at the darkness when it comes and howl at the moon.
I will heal myself, physically, sprititually and emotionally
I will sing kareoke loud and not care who hears it
I will climb mountains
I will swim lakes
I will stand on a ledge at the wonderfulness of the world be mine
I will stop the pain
I will stop being a victime and I will move beyond a survivor to being a revalor
I will learn to turn off the voices of my parents in my head
I will lean to not let that bastard of a priest control my life anymore
I will mavel at butterflies and stand rejoice under waterfalls
I will lean to live healthy and feed myself good food and good thoughts
I will let others in to console me and I will except the love they offer
I will let my wife know everyday how special she is and never let her forget it.
I will revel in the person she had become and celebrate the person that is emerging
I will learn to love and deal with my parents and make them part of my world
I will let music take a hold of me and dance and move no matter the laughter of others
I wll let myself cry and wail when it hurts
I will also cry at joy there is in the world
I will be the best father and husband I kind be
I will find friends and learn to trust and let them in
I will allow myself to feel
I will let myself be held and not cringe back
I will find the goodness in everyone again
I will learn live and not exist
I will take a bites out of life and let the juice flow
I will declare the love for my wife to everyone and anyone weather they will listen or not
I will never let my son forget how special and kind he is and how proud I am of him and the person he is becoming.
I will take a class for the joy of learning somehting I want

I will continue to look to heal and go through the pain

I hope those closest to me will join be but I will do these thing with them or own my own

I will no longer exist in the world and let life move past, I will be loud, happy, sad and participate in life

I will feel good about myself and learn to love me.

I will think good things about me

I will continue to make jokes but I will stop using them to keep people at a distance.

Well I don't believ this is the final list but it was a good start for me. I laughed I cried the I let the boy and the man speak and now I will share this with the world and declare I am David, I am stronger than my past and better than many would have you believe

And the hell to anyone who does not like it.

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this so let me know. I think I will copy it into a members forum and give a copy to my therapist.

Thanks for listening, I hope you all know how special you are for listening and providing this space.

My Love, Strentgh and Sorrow to you all


#247132 - 08/28/08 11:42 PM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
dave, my joy is full reading this! you could post this in the poetry forum. wow are we ever blest to have such a vibrant spirit among us!

your brother in recovery,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#247135 - 08/28/08 11:46 PM Re: I will [Re: Sans Logos]
jf Offline

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 54
dave man what you're saying is that you're going to live you life! thats an awesome step and revelation for you man. congratulations!!


#247335 - 08/30/08 12:53 AM Re: I will [Re: jf]
kutcher Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware

Thanks I felt a very silly after writing it and when I read it I wasn't so sure I should have put it out. Thanks for the understanding and the back slap


#247347 - 08/30/08 02:12 AM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
River Offline

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee


#247368 - 08/30/08 05:34 AM Re: I will [Re: River]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington
I will dance in the flowers, as the dragonflies swirl about, while I let the music do the talking.


It's cool and I'm down.


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#247393 - 08/30/08 01:02 PM Re: I will [Re: 1islandboy]
kutcher Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware

Great addition, very poetic and visual I can vision it now.



#247401 - 08/30/08 01:58 PM Re: I will [Re: kutcher]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi Kutcher.
Boy great words, I just wish that I could do half of them. Heal well my friend.

Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#247403 - 08/30/08 02:04 PM Re: I will [Re: petercorbett]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Very cool, Dave! You have an attitude of determination and hope - it will help you greatly in recovery.


#247448 - 08/30/08 06:04 PM Re: I will [Re: EGL]
kutcher Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Delaware
Pete and Eddie,

Thanks for adding your support, it feels good, the warm embrace of friendship and support is washing over me.


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