Went to my Mom's memorial service yesterday. There was no burial of anything--my Mom had her body donated to a university for medical science purposes, so the family won't get any ashes back for possibly years.
So we just had a kind of picnic memorial at a park beach. It was pouring down rain and the only shelter there we had to share with a large group of people celebrating someone's birthday.
Me and my Brother and Sister were the only ones who dressed up at all. I almost felt like I was in the wrong place the whole time.
My Sister sang a song and I played a little music on my flute and then the crowd next to us sang happy birthday to someone.
I just feel like my Mom deserved so much better. I would have rather just waited however many years for the family to get the ashes back and have a regular burial at the cemetery then have it done the way it was.
Then I also feel bitterness too about how one of my uncles who had been helping pay into my mother's house made a deal (which I was not part of) to buy out my mother's share of the equity that she paid into her house. Since the market is so bad right now and he could not sell the house right away, the deal was that he would split half of my mother's equity with me and my siblings and pay the other half "when the house gets sold" which this uncle is now living in and seems to have no intention
of selling. He could well afford to just settle the thing and pay our share in full, but now he has effectively put off paying the rest of it indefinitely instead of just settling it with us.
A similar thing happened when my Aunt died. Most of the family knows damn well that my Aunt wanted to leave a decent part of her financial assets to my mother (who was still alive at the time) but a cousin just said something about finding a note in her house in her handwriting saying that it should all go to him. So to him it went and my Mom never saw a penny.
Everyone knows my Aunt would never in her right mind and of her own free will write such a note because she cared deeply about my Mom and would never have left her out of her will, but we all have just disgustedly accepted my cousins claims to everything.
Well, it was his Mother, but this was MY Mother, and where my cousin got EVERYTHING from his mother when SHE died, I'm not even getting HALF of my share of my third of what my mother paid into her house without begging and justifying to my other uncle (a retired lawyer) who is handling the money and thinks that it is his to bestow upon me as needed if I can convince him ..that I won't spend it all on crack and whores because he looks at me as an irresponsible fool who can't handle having money...I suppose because I've never really had any to speak of.
His explanation is that since I draw SSI, recieving all the money at once would cause me to loose SSI money, and were I to report it, that would be true. Well, fair enough, but that hardly explains why I now have to make a damn case to justify to him every damn thing I have to ask him for my money for ---such as a decent bicycle to get around on (being unable to drive).
"Oh, I could find a used bike cheaper than that!" etc. was his initial reply.
This isn't his money! It was my Mothers money that she wanted me to have! Not to beg my uncle for and do some song and dance to convince him I'm not planing on using it for drugs an whores. AAAAGH!
I don't like people who turn a death in the family into a big feud over money and I won't be part of that kind of scene, but it really does hurt though to not only loose someone important in in my life, but to then get totally shafted on the legacy it was so important to my Mother for me and my siblings to have.
I'm pretty damn depressed over the whole thing right now. I am coming to hate my two uncles who seem to think that money only belongs in the hands of those who don't really need it.