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#246177 - 08/22/08 06:19 PM Of Pain and Joy
Barkabus Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
There have been a number of discussions going on here about our attitudes in recovery. Some are optimistic and upbeat, others are down and in a near constant state of depression. These two attitudes seem to clash here on MS at times. I wish they wouldn't but they seem to and I'm sorry to see this.

I'm sorry to see this because I think most of us are both upbeat and depressed and everywhere in between. I don't mean in a bipolar sort of way. It's just that our recovery, my recovery, is full of good days and bad days. I guess what I am saying here is that I am all over the place. Maybe that is just how recovery works. One day we are on top of the world. Everything is going great then, an unexpected trigger or flashback occurs and suddenly our day turns to crap. I donít know why this is. It just is. I hope it won't always be this way for me and I have faith that it won't always be this way.

What I'm saying is that I want to share my good days, my victories, my joy. And I want to share my bad days, my hurts, my despair.

Some people get tired of reading so much of the gloomy stuff. And I agree, there is a lot of it here. I HEAR YOU. I get tired of it too sometimes. Some days I stay away from the gloomy threads. But I don't want to always stay away from them. I may have something that may be encouraging to contribute or just to add, "yeah, me too." We all need comfort and to know we are not alone. We've been alone for WAY TOO LONG!

Some people can't relate to the positive stuff and don't like reading it. That's OK too. We are all where we are. I wish there was more positive stuff on here but I understand that most of us are here because of our pain, our secrets and it needs a voice. And the voice of pain is louder than the voice of joy. I knowI have shared far more "bad" stuff than good stuff.

Am I making sense? I don't like seeing people upset because someone is too upbeat or wanting to leave MS because there is too much gloom. We're all of this and more. Let's just be who we are, where we are and know that by the simple fact that we have chosen to be here on MS and participating, we have the courage it takes to step out and put an end to the secrets and either we have hope that things will get better or we are holding out for a hope to come.

Let's all become wounded warriors together!


My Story

#246185 - 08/22/08 09:18 PM Re: Of Pain and Joy [Re: Barkabus]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanks Mike, that is a great post. A lot of thought must have gone into it. I'm certainly not infallable and I too can get triggered in certain circumstances. Most of the time I try really hard to give measured and well thought-out individualized and supportive responses, but I still have my own issues too. I try really hard to accomodate everyone and thoughtfully consider every position carefully and individually.

Just to let everyone know, Rich and I have a new understanding of each other and for the most part have patched-up any differences that we might have had. I am again hopeful for the future recovery of everyone on MS, including myself.

Just to quote Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?"

Thanks again for your thoughtful message.


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#246195 - 08/22/08 11:48 PM Re: Of Pain and Joy [Re: Trucker51]
Tinman Offline

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Mike, you bring up some important points.

As one who tries to look more at what has been accomplished than to dwell on what remains to be done, I have to remember that I am as subject to down times as much as any one else. And I don't think it is just because I am a survivor. I think it is also part of the human condition.

I think the gloomy things I see are more my way of trying to forget just how hard this road was when I first started. And it stayed that way for a LONG time.

But you are right. I should do what you do. Read the gloomy for the reasons you mention. To be there to encourage or just let someone know they are not alone.

As I survivor I know guilt and maybe I feel a little guilty sometimes about feeling good. Why do I deserve it when others are stuck in hell? But that is stinkin' thinkin' as my sponsor would say.

So sharing the good and the bad is a good thing.

"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

#246436 - 08/25/08 01:38 AM Re: Of Pain and Joy [Re: Tinman]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
This is a timely topic.
I think we need to remember what was like when we first start our own recovery.
For most of us we had to hit our emotional,physical, and spiritual bottom in order to even come here.
We must remember the bottonless pit that our abuse had put us in.
The total isolation that we had to endured to survivor our abuse.
Nobody starts from a happy place.
By it's very nature this is a dark and ugly issue to have to overcome.
I think it is important for those who are farther along on this road of recovery to stick around.
To share and express what the light at the end of the tunnel looks like from that prespective.
It's extremely hard to see the light when your at the bottom of a pit.
We need to share and listen to everybody no matter where they are at on their path to recovery.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#246441 - 08/25/08 02:11 AM Re: Of Pain and Joy [Re: michael banks]
conflicted Offline

Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 45
Loc: Greenville, SC

I am a positive person... an optimist. Disclosure is helpful, however it comes. I just remember that sometimes guys do not know how to share things so they just let it out... and sometimes it does come out negative... but lets face it... our stories are negative.

but what is our responsibility... to encourage disclosure "...disclosure can go horribly wrong, especially when you disclose to a person you believe will be there for you and then they fail, but itís their failure, not yours. When a survivor discloses he opens the opportunity (1) for himself to begin or continue healing and (2) to educate the ignorant, but educatable person who loves and cares for him.

The pitfalls of disclosure are there, they should be discussed and prepared for. Yelling a disclosure from the mountain tops may not be a good idea, and posting it here on Samson is not that, but continuing to suffer in silence definitely is NOT.

thanks for the reminder

Masquerades are a lot of fun, until you see it is really your life.

my story...finally out *triggers*

#246444 - 08/25/08 03:13 AM Re: Of Pain and Joy [Re: michael banks]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington

Sometimes, the glass is half empty.

Sometimes, the glass is half full.

Sometimes, I'm just happy to have a glass.

All I really know is there are layers of an onion. A process that promotes healing of CSA, my addictions and all other mental afflictions or associations.

I guess what I am trying to say, is if I work for balance and (staying in the neutral position)I always feel healthier while I proceed though my process of recovery.

It's like I feel the need to go through the rough times (pain and joy conflicting at this point), I plateau to growth. Somewhere I find the gratitude that brings me hope.

I believe in this process, pain is mandatory, however suffering is not...!!!

Your right, sometimes the road is rough (and even confusing),but I, for one, am always looking for the solution and the joy that comes with it.

hopefully not to positively negative with an inverse reverse counter. (always trying to land on the up side).

Good post, point well taken. Good to keep in mind when; IN SPEAKING MY TRUTH.

(however it is perceived, I cannot and will not lie,though. This is an important fact for me.

Once around the ride. (Cinderella)


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez


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