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#245602 - 08/19/08 09:24 PM Confronting my brother/next week
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
After many month of planning, letter writing and roll playing, the time for confronting my perp. brother face to face is now only a few days away.

I am flying back to my home state of Wisconsin on Saturday. I have 4 siblings that still live near where all the sexual abuse took place. For me I left my "home" many many years ago. I fled for a better word, knowing that the sexual abuse would now be over for good. I left behind my family/friends and my memories. The horrific memories of being sexual abused by my brother. I was indeed able to live somewhat of a "normal life" until the nightmares started, now some 3 years ago. My desire to keep this secret to myself ended Sept. of last year. I hit Rock Bottom, could no longer deal with the pain and nightmares by myself, and finally disclosed my CSA.

My brother knows I am coming out to see him. He does not know why, nor do any of my siblings. Other than knowing I am having some trouble with nightmares, from traumatic memories of the past, my family knows nothing else.

I feel "ready" for anything and everything. Of course that is easy to say now! When I get there, I can only hope and pray I will still have the stength and determination I have today. My siblings will "take sides". I know them all too well. I am confident I will be "Odd Man Out", I will be disowned by my familiy. I will be the guy that is "stirring up the past" and the guy who "can't get over it", who can't "let by gones be by gones", I will be the "trouble maker" Yes, I am about to lose all contact with my family because of some lies and accusations that I am fabricating. Surely my "loving brother" would never do such horrible things to his little brother. "We always loved each other. We were such a close family. How can you say these terrible things about your older brother? Ken, D___ loved you. He would never do those things to you!!

Little does all my family know that my repressed memories have vividly brought back specific sexual events. I know what happened to me by my brother. I know what my "little body" endured for over 5 years. The truth is going to come out. As said "the shit is gonna hit the fan"

And after the confrontation is over this coming Sunday, I will be the Victor and he, my brother, the Victim.

I am doing this for me and for my Inner Child. He was a fighter and a warrier. He deserves to be recognized for what he went through. He deserves to have Peace in his life today. This is my way of helping him and myself over another hurdle on our road to recovery. Am I doing the right thing? Only time will tell.

So, to all my friends here at Male Survivor, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I have had and continue to have a great network of friends that have helped me and supported me.

Thanks for listening.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#245612 - 08/19/08 10:13 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: KENKEN]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
That's great Ken. Hope that your trip goes well and that it works out for you in a positive way. It has certainly taken a lot of courage and a lot of hard work to get to this point. This is an important step in your search for freedom. You certainly have my support.

Maybe take along a copy of ABUSED BOYS or VICTIMS NO LONGER as a gift, so that if there is any initial sympathy in your family, they can learn about what you have gone through. Then they can continue to be supportive as they search for their own recovery.

Have hope,


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#245677 - 08/20/08 03:52 AM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: Trucker51]
mrrecovery Offline

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 80
wow i really admire your bravery.

WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009, Mike Lew Victims No Longer Workshop 2010, Malesurvivor International Conference 2010

#245790 - 08/20/08 04:06 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: mrrecovery]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Family asks "How can you say these terrible things about your older brother?"

Answer: "...because those terrible things happened."

Edited by hogan_dawg (08/20/08 04:06 PM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

#245803 - 08/20/08 04:33 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: hogan_dawg]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2614
Loc: Central PA
You're in my thoughts and prayers even now! And you will continue to be.

You're taking the Elephant and leaving him in their house. I hope they bought enough peanuts.

I for one, think your are doing the right thing.

#245809 - 08/20/08 04:58 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: JustScott]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

Good luck and I hope that things go well for you next sunday.
What you are about to do takes alot of courage.
Remember no matter how it does we are here for you.
You are in my prayers and never forgot-- God is with you.

Another "ODD MAN OUT"

To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#245810 - 08/20/08 04:59 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: michael banks]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 477
Loc: Colorado
I hope it all goes well Ken, I know it's been in the works for a long time.

Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

#245828 - 08/20/08 05:24 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: usmc97]
Nathan LaChine Offline

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5407
Loc: Washington State

Good luck my friend, my fellow survivor. You are going to finally make sure everyone's the truth. You are doing something that most of us are still looking for the strength to do. Ken you are being honest with you self an your family, no more hiding ever again.

lots of love, Nathan

#245879 - 08/20/08 08:29 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: Nathan LaChine]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
(Blueshift delivers a snappy salute)
Good luck, man! I'm rooting for you.

My Story
My Art

#245897 - 08/20/08 10:35 PM Re: Confronting my brother/next week [Re: blueshift]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington

I, as a wounded warrior, I empathize with what you are about to go through.

Courage is not the abscence of fear. Courage is feeling fear and doing it anyway.

I believe, the truth will help to set you free.

Hold your head up and fight the good fight.

My thoughts and prayers are with you...!!!

I hope this doesn't tear your family apart. But, at the same time, not all families are related by blood.

Between the hammer and the anvil,


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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