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#236829 - 07/08/08 10:08 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
evanescentjoy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 46
Yes, I am in full agreement with you on that one, Rob. A lot of people really suck. I didn't even want to view the post - I already know they're out there and they suck...

Search for the jems and hang on to them... They're out there...

"Become who you are." -Nietzsche

#236870 - 07/09/08 02:23 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
carrieann Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 4
My husband is a CSA victim. He is suffering from conversion disorder and is paralized from the waist down (4 yrs). He doesn't remember anything. to make a very long story short I had a sort of ephiphany and confronted his older brother, He said he had sexually abused my husband along with some neigborhood boys. I have a feeling his aunt probably abused him, also. My husband has been in therapy for 4 years, with no breakthrough. I feel my husband would benifit from telling someone what has happened to him. So far I'm the only one besides his therapist who talks to him about this. How do I help him? Should i tell him details of the abuse? would that help him? Any help would be appreciated, I'm desperate!!

#236880 - 07/09/08 03:02 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: carrieann]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Hey carrieann,

I'd be SUPER careful about telling him anything that he does not remember. I'd leave that decision in the hands of the professionals.

There are plenty of way for you to help him though. You can see many of the ways by reading here at MS.

Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

#236893 - 07/09/08 03:35 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area

Man, that parade video was disgusting and distrubing.....

Life is to short to blend in

#244233 - 08/13/08 12:16 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

I want to un-do it all.

#244320 - 08/13/08 08:00 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
dyingtolive Offline

Registered: 08/13/08
Posts: 12
hi. it has helped me to read this blog. hi carrieann, may i ask how ur husbands conversion disorder started? ive been experiencing numbness for the past several months, especially in the legs and some episodes of depersonalization unlike ever before.

#244594 - 08/15/08 12:42 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
There was a small story in yesterday's LA Times about the Principal at the high shool in Gloucester either quitting or getting fired. He was the same person that had made some public mis-statement about the girls involved. I believe that I still have the paper and will try to look-up the info.


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#245254 - 08/18/08 12:01 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Trucker51]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
The public cant handle this!

On Friday (8/15/08) there was a call-in on a morning radio talk-show on WRKO - Boston. The topic was James Brown and his abusive ways with his spouse and GFs.

This caller said that "any woman who sticks around after the first incident of abuse is either looking for it or likes it, but in no way deserves any pity from her (the caller)."

It reminds me of the MANY comments made when the church cases in Boston came to public view: "WHY did they wait SO LONG to tell?"

"cuz they likes it?"
"cuz it never happened?"
"cuz they see dollar signs?"
"cuz they got issues?"

They will never "get it" will they?

#246214 - 08/23/08 04:19 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

I've been through a LOT of discovery in the past two days. I can see things I've never been able to see through the pain of "all that CSA stuff."

I re-read this thread and I want to puke! What a self-centered little fkg BRAT I was to write the original post.

"OH...GEE...things aren't just how I want them following my!...OH...MY WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN cuz people cant handle it. Don't worry about that shrapnel in your arm...look at MY damage!

OK...the decision to disclose or not disclose IS in our hands. Its our decision and some of us cant and will not do it. That is fully our right!

The problem comes in when we start involving other people in a game where the rules are expected to be uniform for ALL players. In MY case, non-disclosure came in a few forms:

1) Pre-marriage: I never expected that stuff from my past to disqualify me from living like the normals. I figured that it was my job to ignore it all and move on. There are special storage compartments for stuff like that...I have lots of 'em. I'll store that crap and have a life.

OH!...Hi Lorie...will you marry me?

2) During marriage: Its funny how that stuff in storage leaks out and finds its way back home. OK...I'll sweep it up and dump it one needs to know about it.

What's that Lorie? Those issues...ah...nothing to be worried about.
OMG!!! She's crying! I want to tell her...I really do...but I cant...I just cant. Maybe things will get better with time.

Time passes.... she's still blaming herself...shit!! I wish I could tell her...but tell her THAT??? No way! Can't happen. That would be like a Jew raising his hand in 1942 Munich saying "you forgot to pick me up guys."

3) Marriage Counseling:
"Rob, all your symptoms point to sexual abuse in your past. Are you SURE you were not abused?" "NO FKG WAY was I ever abused as a child!!!....I swear on my children's lives Doc...I was never abused!!!!"

whew!!! that was close...they can see the trace-evidence but I can do one hell of a job denying it. OMG! She's taking it on herself...OH GOD I HATE WHAT THIS IS DOING! Those Catholic guys are sure brave...I'm not.

The end result of all that denial was a HUGE marital monster pushing it's way into our lives and taking over the relationship. I owned that monster. I could have killed it. I could have shown it the door. I chose NOT to.

We can go on and on about WHY i chose not to. But let us not forget that I am no longer just ME. I CHOSE to carry others along with me. I CHOSE to deny, deny, deny...even when...even though...even if...

A bomb went off. It was designed to kill ME. But I was not alone when it claimed its victims.

Disclosure was a mistake? No way! Willful denial was a omni-directional bomb that did nothing but buy me some time at the extreme and unfair expense of my wife.

Let me say it now! I OWN the damage done to others as a result of MY denial and non-disclosure. I'll go one step further and claim that I learned a lot from my perps with regard to not owning wrongs.

Disclosure a Mistake? Again... NO WAY! Being self-centered through a trial was the mistake. I hope this thread did not cause any damage for survivors and their SOs and spouses.

And let me take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Lorie. Her actions have been reactions to genuine pain realized through how I handled and mis-handled all of this. NO ONE is equipped to deal with a husband who has MY past. She's done VERY VERY well!

Edited by Robbie Brown (08/23/08 04:47 AM)

#246218 - 08/23/08 05:12 AM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298

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