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#243643 - 08/10/08 03:43 AM Re: Asking for what I need... [Re: michael banks]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2614
Loc: Central PA
I actually just ordered that book on Friday.

Been ok today I guess. Feeling a bit messed up tonight. Just find myself wishing, for my wife and children's sake that I could have grown up without all this mess.

I find myself feeling worthless a lot lately. I was doing ok for a long time. Even thought I'd put a lot of the shame behind me, but then it all crops up again. Like hitting a wall all of the sudden.

Talked to my T about things on Friday. She thinks one of the reasons this is coming up right now is the fact that I'm connecting the feelings of loss to all those old feelings.(My wife are having yet another miscarriage.) She might be right I guess. I just need some way to feel better. I hate feeling this way, yet I can't find anything that helps right now. :-(

My T said she hated that my wife and I were going through this. I found my first thought being one of wondering if she really did. I've found myself 2nd guessing people all over the place lately. Just finding trust really difficult lately.

So messed up. Mike I read your comment about love. I struggle with that so much. I feel so unlovable. Yet I know my wife and my children love me. Yet I still struggle all the time. I don't feel like a good man or a good father or a good husband. All I can see right now are my weaknesses and my failings.

Seems like it doesn't matter how hard I try, something is always there to hold me back.

#243667 - 08/10/08 05:02 AM Re: Asking for what I need... [Re: JustScott]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

I think we all wish that the abuse hadn't happen to us.
It is an extremely diffcult thing to deal with and overcome.
I am sorry for the lost that you and your wife are experiencing.
No wonder you are struggling- dealing with grief on top of everything else.

Being able to see our own weaknesses and failings to me is a sign of strength.
Because we all have them.
And knowing what they are allows to know when we need to ask for help.

If you were not a good man,husband,and father you would not be here baring your soul with us.
To endure the pain of recovery from your abuse, so not to pass it on to your children
Your ability to be so open and honest about your feelings and struggles.
Shows the rest of us what a real man is.

Allow those who love you to do so.
Try to confront those old message that you were taught as a child.
When your head tells you that you are unlovable-say STOP!! to yourself.
Then think about those times when your wife and children tell you that they love you.
If you keep doing this time after time you will slowwwly start changing those messages.
Also when someone gives you a comment or sympaty for something you are going thru.
Just say thank you and leave it at that.
Stop trying to figure out what their motives are.
Usually they don't have any, only concern for you.

Remember-- "Let us love you until you can love yourself"

pm me anytime if you would like to talk.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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