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#232573 - 06/22/08 06:11 PM Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder
jcf1957 Offline

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Not quite sure if this post belongs in this topic area. However I seen an increasing number of guys speak about having an aversion, antipathy, or repugnance towards sexual desires in the aftermath of having been raped in the past.

Invariably; I think many male and female CSA and adult victims of sexual assault trauma both go through this transition. I think many rape victims in varying degrees are at lease confronted with it in some form or another.

I know that I have struggled with sexual aversion disorder for more years than I can count. Damned near thirty years.
This is extremely embarrassing and confusing. I can testify without a doubt that yes I am heterosexual. Yes I am attracted to women. But; as one moderator who so eloquently put it in a poignant letter to his wife that he posted a few months ago on this site. ( NOT IN THE EXACT WORDS ) ("Whenever I would even consider making love to my wife, horrid memories of my rape would race through mind making such a notion unevitable"). That statement really moved me profoundly.
I still think about it and it brings tears to my eyes.

Why ? Because; I don't have any interest in sex.
The horrible pain and incessant memories of my brutal gang rape at gunpoint have robbed my of my sexual identity.
As I mentioned in one other post that I often feel like a neutered dog.

Shame and Guilt...especially considering every painful detail of what things my assailants did to me, coupled with the fact of me being cowardly paralyzed and having no guts within me to even attempt to stop them even if it cost my very life. This really festers in my mind often. I get angry at myself.

I have never officially been diagnosed with sexual aversion disorder. However; I do understand a brief criteria in which such diagnoses is made.

In a nutshell: Sexual aversion disorder: is a psychological disorder where the person seeks to avoid sex and undertakes various behaviors to avoid sex. This disorder includes the older sexual condition known as "frigidity".

Sexual aversion disorder can be both over-diagnosed and under-diagnosed. It is over-diagnosed in cases where the patient has other reasons that are interfering with sexuality, such as tiredness, fatigue, other causes of low libido, or other causes of sexual pain. Also possible is inadequate foreplay or poor sexual technique. Such a person does not have a true aversion to sex.

Sexual aversion disorder can be under-diagnosed in cases of sexual pain or other apparent psychological problems with sex. Physicians may assume a history of rape or childhood sexual abuse where none exists.

Info Links :

Edited by jcf1957 (06/22/08 06:31 PM)
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.

#232574 - 06/22/08 06:17 PM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: jcf1957]
JustJeff Offline

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
I do the same thing. i think about it and consider it, but i never follow it though. i don't think i'm even capable of kissing a girl on the lips anymore.


#232724 - 06/23/08 11:22 AM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: JustJeff]
jcf1957 Offline

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I've asked myself and mulled through this question numerous times.

Do I find the sexual act of making love to a woman itself disgusting ? Perhaps not; other than the fact that sex always reminds of my brutal gang-rape as if resounding echo's of painful images playing unceasingly on my mind.

Embarrassingly; I have discussed this briefly with my therapist.
She never really bothered to elaborate on this discussion.
Maybe it was out of her sphere or maybe I didn't elaborate enough myself.

Who would have ever thought in the past of men getting squeamish or frigid over the idea of having sex with a woman they were fondly attracted to and in love with ? Not usually something associated with virile masculinity. How the hell do you explain this to the woman you love ? Not an easy prospect.

For many men who never have to worry about the fact of not having been's to obviously consider taking Levitra, Cialis or Viagra. for Erectile Dysfunction.

However; few will ever consider the serious health risk especially if your plagued with diabetes and cardiac problems like myself. So much for hard-on meds or dreaming or hoping you can drum-up a woody.

Even if I could bring myself to the point of performing the sexual act with the woman I love; I would still be confronted by my haunting rape past.

I need serious help with this. I feel that I've reached the dead end with no return. Just another dog who's been neutered.

Treatment Approach Link To Male Sexual Dysfunction,template&cpid=1458

Edited by jcf1957 (06/23/08 01:57 PM)
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.

#242791 - 08/06/08 07:59 PM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: jcf1957]
LordShiningStarr Offline

Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 14
Loc: IL
Thank you for the information. In research of my novel, I've only had my horrid experiances to use for the book. Thank you for this additional information.

Lord ShiningStarr

Lord ShiningStarr

#242884 - 08/07/08 03:51 AM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: LordShiningStarr]
Bewlayb1 Offline

Registered: 08/04/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
I definitely have a strong aversion to sex. Unlike you, I believe that I was gay before the sexual abuse; not that a child can be "gay," or "straight," but I do remember having childlike crushes on my older brother's friends.

Now, I almost never have sex. I hate it. It reminds me of rape. Many of my friends are gay, and I go to gay bars with them, but I don't think I'm actually attracted to men, not in the way that they are. I get infatuated with both men and women, though I am only comfortable imagining myself holding them, or being held.

My question is, are you sometimes happy not to be like them? I find sex animalistic and destructive. It's like you meet someone and they're friendly and you get along, but they have this whole other side, these private desires. I can't fathom why anyone would not be faithful. I don't understand lust. You look in eyes of a man who wants to fuck, and it's frightening and repulsive.

I don't think of sex as immoral. But why exactly should I like it? What will it give me? Will I be like the slutty, trashy men at the bars? Will it make me gay, and take away the possibility of marriage and kids?

When people talk about enjoying sex I do get jealous. It's so unfair, to be twenty-six, and to be denied this natural pleasure. I do feel like I'm neutered, or like I'm missing something, an arm, a leg, or a sense, that everyone else has. On the other hand, I'm proud that I care more about work, contemplation, love and the things in life that are less fleeting.

I'm not only sexually anorexic, but I don't want to change. Is that stubborn, or is that just accepting my situation, my scars? I don't know, but I can't remember reading any posts from men who learned how to like sex.

#243327 - 08/09/08 02:56 AM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: Bewlayb1]
Nate Offline

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 100
Loc: USA
thank you - i 2 struggled w/ sexual aversion disorder or sexual anorexia. it's driving me crazy - i'm so tired of hating myself when i feel sexual... \:\( it even has me questioning my sexuality all over again. i feel like 2 people me and the sexual person. thanks fo rthe links. ill check them out.

"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

#243343 - 08/09/08 05:07 AM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: Nate]
dgoods Offline

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I'm extremely good at flirting, yet when it comes down to the wire, i'm no longer able to be the soulless, mechanical animal i used to be.. because that was never me. I still dissociate and feel out of control when push comes to shove, but can't manage more than a whole bunch of foreplay designed to disguise the fact that i just want to hurry up and get the actual intercourse over with. I feel revulsion and disgust toward "being a good f--k", or anyone/thing that makes it like it were a sport like basketball or what-have-you. In my teens/20's i was trying my best to be some sort of casanova superstar... now that the chickens have come home to roost, it's quite the opposite. I'm probably not really capable of sustaining a healthy intimate relationship at this point, but were i to imagine one, it would have to involve full knowledge and acceptance of who i am, which i don't see too many available women going for. I've found my gay and lesbian friends online and off to be wonderful company, since they're not pedophiles, and have as much interest in me sexually as a mouse has toward a turnip- we can just be people around each other, they understand about keeping secrets prisoner for too long(if not the same type) and when i've occasionally gotten a little inappropiately "frisky", they've known where it's coming from, and help me realize what's going on and why. I'm hopeful that i'll eventually be healthy and sane enough to be a true partner to a woman who loves me for me... but reality is that there's more work/healing to be done on my end before that happens. Maybe this is kind of rambling, IDK- sorry if it's self-centered or off-topic. Just a weird mix of lonely, hopeful and grateful at this point.

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

#244110 - 08/12/08 07:00 PM Re: Surviving Sexual Aversion Disorder [Re: dgoods]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
There's an excercise we do in group that really hit me the other day, as my co-facillitator and I were going over it for group starting in Sept, we went through it together.

He said "name some words associated with sex", okay that's pretty easy, "disgusting, wrong, painful, stressfull, sinful, guilt, abusivess, etc" this is just a small example of the words that a group of survivor's will come up with. What really hit me though was his next words, "okay, now name words associated with abuse", Wow...holy Fing wow, it hit me like a ton of brick's, I had no understanding of the difference between sex and abuse, they were one and the same to me.

The next excercise is to come up with words you "think" a person "without a history" would use for sex and the words they would use for abuse. I'm thinking those lists would be complete opposites.

Just some thought's, we got some re-wiring to do my Bro's

Stay strong



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