I think we all wish that the abuse hadn't happen to us.
It is an extremely diffcult thing to deal with and overcome.
I am sorry for the lost that you and your wife are experiencing.
No wonder you are struggling- dealing with grief on top of everything else.
Being able to see our own weaknesses and failings to me is a sign of strength.
Because we all have them.
And knowing what they are allows to know when we need to ask for help.
If you were not a good man,husband,and father you would not be here baring your soul with us.
To endure the pain of recovery from your abuse, so not to pass it on to your children
Your ability to be so open and honest about your feelings and struggles.
Shows the rest of us what a real man is.
Allow those who love you to do so.
Try to confront those old message that you were taught as a child.
When your head tells you that you are unlovable-say STOP!! to yourself.
Then think about those times when your wife and children tell you that they love you.
If you keep doing this time after time you will slowwwly start changing those messages.
Also when someone gives you a comment or sympaty for something you are going thru.
Just say thank you and leave it at that.
Stop trying to figure out what their motives are.
Usually they don't have any, only concern for you.
Remember-- "Let us love you until you can love yourself"
pm me anytime if you would like to talk.
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun
WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009