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#243513 - 08/09/08 08:22 PM Re: Feeling Angry [Re: DanM]
Bewlayb1 Offline

Registered: 08/04/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
Thanks for those responses. I think I'm having trouble with anger because it's relatively new to me. I've only had social skills for seven, or eight years. Sometimes it's as if I am in a delayed adolescence, or gradually becoming human. I'm dealing with things people with normal childhoods faced long ago.

That was an interesting reply, San Logos. I don't really disagree with anything you said. It is important to me how I'm percieved by others. I have also found that people tend to hate in others what they don't like in themselves. I am a workaholic and I feel guilty if I ever relax for even a moment. But I have at least one lazy indulgence. On the weekends I sleep until 2. No one would describe me as selfish. But I'm not always "there" for my friends in a crisis: not because I don't want to be, but because I'm often a recluse and can't invest so much of myself in others.

I do only "act" nice, because I'm not such a fan of most people. I'm not usually so nice in my head. But I'm not cruel either. Mostly I'm just observant. I know these things about myself, and have known them. I realize that all anger ultimately comes from self-hate. But that doesn't mean anger is bad.

Anger is sometimes justified. For years, I was a wimp and let myself be made fun of by kids at school, by my own mother, etc. It's only hard for me now to determine when it's appropriate. Then again, I'm not some machine. I can't pick and choose when I feel a certain way.

After reading these responses, it sounds like a lot of survivors struggle with anger. The fact that it's "normal" makes me feel better.

#243516 - 08/09/08 08:54 PM Re: Feeling Angry [Re: Bewlayb1]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Bewlayb1
I didn't always have a temper.
I was abused from eight to ten by a teacher.
Until about eighteen I had no social skills,. . .
I noticed that I would have outbursts of anger,
I'm twenty-six now. I try to act nice and decent to everyone,

His former priest was on the news because the priest was accused of molesting two boys.

I didn't want to reveal my past to this jerk, though I'm sure my coworkers gossiped and drew conclusions anyway.
This coworker and I argue all the time.

Other people at work are jealous because I was promoted and have been attempting to embarrass me, or make me look bad. At times, I know they are trying to goad me into having a tantrum.

Do I embrace this side of me, or do I fight it? If there's an area in between, I can't seem to find it.

First, your coworker. Do you know what CO means? Carbon monoxide. It's toxic. It kills. You have a toxic coworker. He's out to get you. He knows you've been promoted and deep down he hates you. If you show anger or in some other way show weakness, he will win. Don't argue with him either. When he starts to provoke you, remember CO = poisonous. DON'T REACT. Those puppies are trying to ruin your life.

Showing your temper will come across as weakness to your coworkers. Don't do it. Get a good therapist and show your anger to him only. Tell this therapist about the abuse. Only tell him and us (on MaleSurvivor). Tell nobody else until you have had 2 years of therapy.

Your boss may have some hint of your distress and they are trying to get you out of there. Just focus on the larger goal: Being healed of your anger toward your abuser and being able to use your talents in a productive way. Try to find friends who won't misuse you.

Just hold off anger and talk until your transfer. Then tell only your T (therapist).

There's a possibility your toxic co-worker was abused by the same priest and is just in a denial state. He may come to you years down the line and ask you for help. Just put him on the back burner (emotionally) for now.

We're cheering for you.


Edited by pufferfish (08/09/08 09:08 PM)

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