I didn't always have a temper.
I was abused from eight to ten by a teacher.
Until about eighteen I had no social skills,. . .
I noticed that I would have outbursts of anger,
I'm twenty-six now. I try to act nice and decent to everyone,
His former priest was on the news because the priest was accused of molesting two boys.
I didn't want to reveal my past to this jerk, though I'm sure my coworkers gossiped and drew conclusions anyway.
This coworker and I argue all the time.
Other people at work are jealous because I was promoted and have been attempting to embarrass me, or make me look bad. At times, I know they are trying to goad me into having a tantrum.
Do I embrace this side of me, or do I fight it? If there's an area in between, I can't seem to find it.
First, your coworker. Do you know what CO means? Carbon monoxide. It's toxic. It kills. You have a toxic coworker
. He's out to get you. He knows you've been promoted and deep down he hates you. If you show anger or in some other way show weakness, he will win. Don't argue with him either. When he starts to provoke you, remember CO = poisonous. DON'T REACT. Those puppies are trying to ruin your life.
Showing your temper will come across as weakness to your coworkers. Don't do it. Get a good therapist and show your anger to him only. Tell this therapist about the abuse. Only tell him and us (on MaleSurvivor). Tell nobody else until you have had 2 years of therapy.
Your boss may have some hint of your distress and they are trying to get you out of there. Just focus on the larger goal: Being healed of your anger toward your abuser and being able to use your talents in a productive way. Try to find friends who won't misuse you.
Just hold off anger and talk until your transfer. Then tell only your T (therapist).
There's a possibility your toxic co-worker was abused by the same priest and is just in a denial state. He may come to you years down the line and ask you for help. Just put him on the back burner (emotionally) for now.
We're cheering for you.