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#241438 - 07/31/08 01:59 AM What to do about feelings?
Letourski Offline

Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
Hey guys,

I am going through the motions of recovery and something that continues to puzzle me is my sexual identity. It's such a changing thing from day to day. I have discussed this with my therapist and have taken some considerable steps. I can say that on some level I do experience an attraction to the same sex which I have accepted.

Now when I do acknowledge this fact I suddenly feel attracted to both sexes, it's very confusing stuff. When I attempt to ignore any of these feelings I begin to feel isolated and alone.

So now knowing this what am I to do with it? There is this girl that I like and I connect with both emotionally and physically but for some reason I hesitate to make a move because of my feelings towards the same sex. The feelings are there but for me it just seems so difficult.

Everything feels different from one day to the next and there are feelings that contradict the other. Do I listen to one or the other?

I don't if anyone else has had these issues but any thoughts would greatly be appreciated.

I am the warrior.

#241440 - 07/31/08 02:14 AM Re: What to do about feelings? [Re: Letourski]
Cobain28 Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 15
Loc: Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
I'm just starting my own path inwards towards getting through all of this so I don't know how much of a help I can be but I could explain what I think about my own sexuality. I have had experiences with both men and women and still sometimes have sexual feelings towards them today. I beleive at heart though I am heterosexual because I feel that because I have been abused I have developed an unhealthy coping method for rejection and feelings of unwantedness. When I feel unwanted or neglected I will reach out in almost any way to a member of the same sex so that I can just feel needed and wanted because it has proven to work in the past. All I'm really saying is look deep inside yourself to find out who you really want, be it a him or her, both answers are right if they're done for the right reasons. I hope this has helped if at all.

"Society, your crazy breed, hope you're not angry if I disagree." -Eddie Vedder-

#241468 - 07/31/08 03:20 AM Re: What to do about feelings? [Re: Cobain28]
Bewlayb1 Offline

Registered: 08/04/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
There is nothing wrong with being in a same sex relationship. To be blunt, finding it "unhealthy" is far more indicative of something being psychologically "wrong."

However, sexual identity is something that I have struggled with for years. Every other post I write addresses this. I feel that I would have been gay had I not been molested and raped by a teacher from eight to ten. I am attracted to men, but the repulsion which accompanies it is as strong, or stronger.

When I was a teenager, still having grotesque nightmares every night and still almost mute, I remember seeing Anne Heche on TV. It might have been on Oprah, though I'm not sure. Ellen Degeneres had just come out of the closet. I had almost no grasp on reality, but when Anne Heche described the first moment she saw Ellen I was mesmerized.

She had been dating men, most famously Steve Martin. She said that she saw Ellen's face, in a crowd and she was blown a way. It didn't matter that Ellen was woman. Nothing mattered but what her heart felt. She merely sensed something profound.

Eventually, Anne Heche revealed that she was sexually abused by her father. She only talked about Ellen's face. The face, too, is all I notice. I think it represents beauty and empathy devoid of the threat of sexuality.

I've forgotten ninety-percent of anything that happened from eight to eighteen. But that one snippet of an interview, which I saw one time, has always stayed with me. It's almost eerie, and it becomes more relevant as the years go by.

It seems kind of silly to take examples from the entertainment industry to reflect on myself. And hey, we all know Anne Heche is a little nuts. But the abuse left my life and sexuality in ruins. Since then, I've needed all the help I could get.

I'm twenty-six now. There have only been a few times when I've fallen head over heels for someone. The last time it was with a woman. It's never led to anything long-term. Yet, if you ask me my sexuality, I'd have to say, "Anne Heche seeing Ellen in a crowd" suits me best.

In other words, I don't sweat gender, and I don't bother explaining it to anyone who can't understand.

#241483 - 07/31/08 05:03 AM Re: What to do about feelings? [Re: Bewlayb1]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington
I think, I read somewhere that no one is is purely staight or purely gay, and we are all bisexual, to a point, (sliding scale).

For me I have figured out, I am PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to females.

That being said, I have figured out, that I am very androgenous. That is I desire a male/female role in my relationships. I also desire to be both dominant and submissive on different levels within these relationships.

I can get spun out easily with confusion and puzzles. What is important in my recovery is the SOLUTION.

My solution today, is that I have been blessed with a like minded kinky, hyper sex girlfriend that understands me.

I fact, I got totally spun out over disclosure the other day. Ironically enough, I found myself disclosing on the second date (that was easy).

The solution for me is solved by, living in the problem, or living in the solution.

The best revenge is living a good life.


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#241586 - 07/31/08 09:35 PM Re: What to do about feelings? [Re: 1islandboy]
LW1527 Offline

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Wow, this is a heavy issue. As far as feelings and what to listen to, I always try to listen to the feelings, write them down and try to make sense out of it. A good T is good friend to help sort out these heavy topics.



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