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#241597 - 08/01/08 12:19 AM Re: Lack of 'affection' from my husband... [Re: Liv2124]
ChristineTrying Offline

Registered: 06/24/08
Posts: 36
Maybe that's the problem. He is doing exactly what he 'needs' to do for himself and I am not doing what I need to do for myself. I am so afraid of hurting other people all the time and never afraid of how much they hurt me, whether it's intentional or not. Why should he be allowed to treat me however he wants just so he can feel 'in control'? This may sound insensitive but just because he was abused does that mean I must be too (by him) to make things even on our playing field? Why is it that when someone has something bad happen to them, other people must give up or make allowances for that persons current bad or neglectful behavior?

He has tried to be affectionate towards me lately but now I find myself reacting with a pull away from him because if I let myself get caught up in the good feeling I am getting, he seems to sense it and bang up comes a reference to abuse and boy am I stupid for allowing a good feeling to come over me.

I just don't know anymore.

#241608 - 08/01/08 01:39 AM Re: Lack of 'affection' from my husband... [Re: ChristineTrying]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
It's hard. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. I have gotton really good results from being supportive and loving and trying to help him through, and my husband was as closed off as you could get there for awhile. I stayed loving and it's funny, I started really really feeling a deeper love for him, and he started giving it back. Try till you can't try anymore if you can. Therapy is a huge help

Life is to short to blend in

#241629 - 08/01/08 03:09 AM Re: Lack of 'affection' from my husband... [Re: dangal]
LittleMiss Offline

Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: dangal
Try till you can't try anymore if you can.

That's always been my plan of attack too!

I find Dory from Finding Nemo very inspirational. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, la la la just keep swimming"


The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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