This really describes some of my feelings, especially the stuff about people in the same room doing nothing, humiliation and dissociation.
the odd thing about the audience bit though, is while I'd certainly agree I'm happier with much smaller groups of people, and do not like crowds (crowds of kids will! make me nervous), I'm quite happy to get up onto a stage in front of people, ----- on a few occasions close to 2000 people, and sing or act at them, ---- on a few occasions in a really major way.
In fact on stage, in front of an audience I've been able to do things with physical contact and affection that I'd never! be able to do individually.
last august, I even had the entire female chorus clustered around me, some leaning on my back, my arms around a couple, when i was playing Edwin in Trial by jury in front of 2000 people. yes, i felt bothered about this, but there was no time for me to be upset sinse the hole production had to be put together in three days.
Yet now, the thought of having that many girls round me makes me feel sick!
sorry for the wrant, ---- I'll admit this is one of those not so good nights.