Newest Members
twinker, LaneFiasco95, Kristabar, tom93, ninjei
13513 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bcb00 (41), beginning (37), Gary H. (44), jewelmom (66), kdg2310 (58), Li Yuki (2017), monarchnaps (39), Neverquit (33), Nord (61), SoSad (48)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 61 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,513 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,196 Topics
490,121 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#23963 - 10/17/03 05:13 PM letting go of the workaholic mindset
fhorns Offline

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 706
How the heck do I get out of this seriousness sweep? I read something this morning about playing, and my sponsor told me last night to do something for me last night. Yikes! Frying.

Then I remember what my sponsor told me a couple of weeks ago: all we really know how to do is punish ourselves. For me having fun is irresponsible and foreign, and I must keep going, however ineffective I am being. But to contrast that, the message I got in the beginning of my present program was "let us love you until you know how to love yourself". That's what me hang onto a sponsor and listen to him. I don't know how to love myself.

For those who do or have dissociated into nicer worlds, how do you play now? Can you cope with much now? Is the real world too scary thus far? What do you do for enjoyment....with other people? I know how to isolate. That's not what I want. What's the difference between playing and dissociating? I'm not sure.

I'm like a workaholic who doesn't know I can quit!


#23964 - 10/17/03 07:27 PM Re: letting go of the workaholic mindset
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

I bought a motorcycle. Ostensibly to ride to work, to save gas, etc. But really it's a whole bunch of fun. I've had scooters or 'bikes off and on since I was 13 years old. I hadn't had one for 18 years 'til I bought one in 2000. I bought another one this summer. My wife encouraged me to buy the one in 2000, she convinced me that I needed something fun in my life besides work. It didn't take too much convincing. I bought the second one after my wife died, it's a lot smaller and easier for me to handle right now. There's something about riding out in the mountains that is so invigorating and affirming for me. That's what I do for fun now.

Take care,


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

#23965 - 10/17/03 10:35 PM Re: letting go of the workaholic mindset
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I also turn to the internal combustion engine for my pleasure, but I drive 4x4's in off-road competitions.

It's exciting, it's bloody scary at times ! - but although I'm rarely recieving any trophies I wouldn't give up.

For me the best part is going to an event and having fun with like minded people.
I help to run the club now, and edit the monthly magazine, which again brings me into contact with the members.

And this is stuff I've only started to do in a serious and commited way since I've been working on my recovery from SA, although I have been competing for about 10 years.

When I go to an event I forget about all my troubles for the day. Linda comes with me, and we do all the paperwork and signing on, I scrutineer ( safety checks ) and we get involved.
For me it's the ultimate escape, and an adreniline fix.

I would recommend joining a club, charity or society to every survivor, it doesn't matter what they do, from chess to base jumping. A collection of people with a common interest soon accept a new guy, they want to share their interest.
And if you want to share in it as well, then friendships will surely follow.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#23966 - 10/17/03 11:57 PM Re: letting go of the workaholic mindset
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada

For those who do or have dissociated into nicer worlds, how do you play now? Can you cope with much now? Is the real world too scary thus far? What do you do for enjoyment....with other people? I know how to isolate. That's not what I want. What's the difference between playing and dissociating? I'm not sure.
I dont think I have disassociated to a nicer world but I have found things that help me to get through the bad shit. I am 62. I teach inline skating, I play inline hockey, I work out 3 times a week, I mountainbike on the Niagara Escarpment and I snowboard in the winter. I am a total nut case. But getting a buzz from all of the above makes me feel good. It has to be action. It is the endorphins running around in me that takes my mind off other stuff. The burning pain of exercise is a wonderful thing for me. But I did establish earlier that I am a total nut case.

As well it allows me to clear my mind.

Now to establishing relationships. I have learned, with difficulty, to give without expectation. I am slowly breaking down the brick wall I built around myself. Sometimes I find myself reaching for the mortar and thats when I jump into an activity.



#23967 - 10/19/03 10:14 AM Re: letting go of the workaholic mindset
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here

If you are the type who is so into seriousness and work, it is not something that you can change right away. Perhaps do something like half hour a day, watch something silly on television, take a walk, read a book for a while, something not related to work things. Maybe each weekend, go to a movie or something to occupy yourself in fun way for few hours. Slow at a time, and do not push yourself too much. But try to make it priority, or work will overtake it! Good luck to you.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.