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#239422 - 07/21/08 11:30 PM Re: Fighting the good fight, naked? [Re: CDavid]
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I just found out that I have a virus. This is the reason I leaped off the I'm great wagon. I can't vomit because of a surgery I have had(Nissin Fundoplication)so I never know when I am coming down with something and I keep it for a week instead of just getting it out of my system. It makes me feel anxious and depressed at least that is what I think is going on but in fact I am feeling like crap from the virus. I am sorry I vented out and blamed the anxiety but its exactly what I felt like was going on. No energy, sleeping frequently, loss of motivation etc. It can easily be mistaken for mental issues. Sorry guys but I am not good at knowing what is going on with my body because of the old disconnect mode I went into after the abuse.

Thanks for listening,

Whatever It Takes, God

#239454 - 07/22/08 03:23 AM Re: Fighting the good fight, naked? [Re: John Oarc]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 146
Loc: Elmira, NY
Hi John, (and CDavid),

I'm sorry that you're not feeling well, John. But, I'm still glad that you made this post. I can relate to both of you with the anxiety. When my stress/anxiety level is not at least a 4 on a scale of 1 - 10, I don't know how to react to life.

I think some of it has to do with my feelings of insecurity. I pretty much feel insecure about everything and like there is usually a trap door waiting for me. I'm sure that I can relate those feelings to many factors that have gone on in my life, but I think that one of the biggest factors is the CSA. I see myself as a vulnerable person, as probably we all do. And righfully so, because we were. Our perps have stolen pieces of our souls. I don't think that there is any such thing as a soul patrol. However, I think that all of us here are fighting the good fight, because, at least we are looking for them, the lost parts of our souls, that is. Most people don't do that and probably should. It would make for a better world.

I think that, as long as we keep looking together, we're going to find strength from each other, instead of vulnerability. Maybe we're not necessarily naked, just transparent. And transparent isn't so bad.

God bless,
John, The Music Man.

#239465 - 07/22/08 04:45 AM Re: Fighting the good fight, naked? [Re: John Oarc]
the_lone_rager Offline

Registered: 07/22/08
Posts: 2
Loc: California

I'm new here and am still getting a feel for what goes on here and how, so if this is old stuff that doesn't need to be tabled, please forgive me:

When I first got into dealing with my issues, I read something about learning to decode your feelings. I thought that sounded funny until I tried to do it. I could only get past the first step; "Is it a good feeling or a bad feeling". I had repressed so much for so long that I had no idea how I really felt beyond "bad" or "guilty" or "ashamed". As I have peeled back the many many layers of denial that had been built up over the years, I have finally gotten to the point that I can usually "decode" what my true feelings are and what is behind them. I'd suggest that you try to do this with your anxiety. Relax and go into a meditative state if you can, then just try to "make friends" with the feeling. If it is like some of my feelings, you will in time be able to pin it down to very specific concerns over very specific issues. Also, the more you understand these feelings, the less intimidating they become. I have felt extreme fear and rage and guilt and shame at times, but almost invariably, when I go into the feelings, the intensity will subside rather quickly.

I am of the opinion that your anxiety is a voice from within that is trying to tell you something. Learn to listen to it. Don't be afraid of it and don't resist. My belief is that your mind will only allow you access to things that you are capable of handling, and the fact that you have thrown so many crutches away suggests that you are up to this task.

Good luck to you!



#239472 - 07/22/08 05:00 AM Re: Fighting the good fight, naked? [Re: the_lone_rager]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
"The more you understand these feelings, the less intimidating they become. I have felt extreme fear and rage and guilt and shame at times, but almost invariably, when I go into the feelings, the intensity will subside rather quickly."

Wise tactic. Besides, what's the point in having feelings if you can't explore the whole smorgasbord? There's a lot of richness in life to be had from experiencing our whole range of feelings fully.

Edited by hogan_dawg (07/22/08 05:04 AM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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