zhope, i sense you are in a highly anxious state at the time. it seems you are feeling pretty hopeless and alone at the time, but i assure you having found male survivor web you are in a great spot, and you can relax a little anyway. take a deep breath now. realize that you are not alone anymore. read, share, join a healing circle. we look forward to getting to know about your pain and suffering, and helping you grow along with us.
take heart bro, things are gonna get better soon,
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC