when this all started a few weeks ago, I thought H was going through a mid life crisis. I joined a support group on line and was trying to understand what he was going through. Then I went to my therapist and told her about the abuse and she said no mid life crisis. I then realized that this is big, not about me, but very big. I know I need to focus on myself, it is hard cause I don't usually do that. Anyway on the mid life support page I read this quote which I read over and over again.
Step away from hos madness. Respect him enough to let him find his way through it. You didn't take him to raise, you took him to be your partner, and sometimes, you have to back off and let your partner struggle as part of their personal growth.
Today I feel like we are having a good day. I don't understand how it comes and goes. Wednesday we were going to follow out our future plans, yesterday we weren't. I am realizing I need to take each day as it comes. I want my H to be with me forever. But if I have to get there by taking it one day at a time I will. I am starting to think of what to do for myself, how to find out who I am, what I need to do to protect myself in the future in case things just don't work out. I think I will look into going to school to get my associates. Even if its one night a week, if we stay together it will benefit us, if we don't it will benefit me. As I said before, today I feel like it is a good day. I feel strong and positive. I know I have friends that love me and will be my strength when I am down.
My H doesn't really have many friends. He has one good one and me. I was the only one that knew about his abuse, he is finally speaking out loud about it to few, but I know that is a big step for him to do.
Thank you to everyone on the site. I love you all. And I will need you to guide me through the rough roads.