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#236481 - 07/07/08 03:44 AM His heart... a cold, frozen and distant place
riviera Offline

Registered: 06/01/05
Posts: 59
Loc: Spain

My boyf has reached his heart and reckons is a cold, frozen and distant place. He doesn't feel he is capable of loving, he is realizing how many people he has blocked in his life not to let them get close to him... All people except me...though he is still pushing me away emotionally..

This is not new. We have been there many times before. His conviction of not being able to love and show it, the lack of trust, the fear of getting close to people, not seeing the point, doubts, ...

And there is HUGE emotional gap between us. After 8 years together, 4 since recovery started, I am losing the strength to keep fighting..As hard as this is to admit, I am running out of patience, hopes and even doubt whether my unconditional love 4 him is still there..

I am losing the battle against his damn fears...and I am showing him every possible positive behaviour, he has a safe network, an stable relationship, my love, my support... yet he must stop having fears or this will never move forward.

I don't know what to do...This feels like a never ending vicious circle... but how to break it??

Edited by riviera (07/07/08 03:51 AM)

#237712 - 07/12/08 06:10 PM Re: His heart... a cold, frozen and distant place [Re: riviera]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
I don't know if it ever ends. It's hard to walk away and prove them right that no one will stay, no one will love, no one will do whatever is needed but at what price do you stay? I have no answers for you but wanted to tell ya I'm thinking of you.

Life is to short to blend in

#237737 - 07/12/08 07:53 PM Re: His heart... a cold, frozen and distant place [Re: riviera]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Riviera,
Welcome...although it's sad we have to connect "here".
I've been where you are many times over the past 30 years. My SO is close, really, to no one. I would say that I'm as close as anyone can get, but he's still a "distance" away.
He "shows" me he loves me, with little things most people, in "normal" relationships, would NEVER notice. The difference is, for 30 years, this has never been, a "normal" relationship.
Nor conventional. I'm okay with just about everything. (And, let me say, EVERYTHING, would involve another post. \:\) )
I've come to the inevitable conclusion, that I'm losing him to "this", the effects... The abuser(s) are winning, and I can't do a damn thing if he won't put his hand out and take mine. ( Mine hand has been extended in his direction all along)

For what it's worth, there have been many a time I've felt as though I were losing the strength to continue on with/in this. (You can pretty much verify that with anyone here \:\) \:\)

#237745 - 07/12/08 08:43 PM Re: His heart... a cold, frozen and distant place [Re: riviera]
indygal Offline

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
Originally Posted By: riviera

I don't know what to do...This feels like a never ending vicious circle... but how to break it??

you are right, unfortunately, it IS a circle.

the thing is, it's HIS circle and HE has to break it. you can help him, be there for him, wait for him, those are your choices to make - but the really big one is always going to be his vicious circle, his choice as how to deal with it.

perhaps it helps if they recognize it? does he? that can be a starting point at least.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))) I know you need them - so sorry!!


my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.


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