Newest Members
mmm coffee, Calibre09, FallGuy2154, Whoamitoday, Joe4618
13527 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
arty (49), atari_kid86 (31), ava_adore (31), babs (66), bkeithb (52), shylo (37), si (25), universe (36)
Who's Online
2 registered (PhilUK, 1 invisible), 62 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,527 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,366 Topics
491,420 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#237465 - 07/11/08 03:03 PM Time-Release Posts (in a good way)
MemoryVault Offline

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
I was just thinking about the times people responded to my posts early on, and I kind of got what they were saying. Then, much later, a light bulb switched on and I'm digging through the search feature trying to find that reply again, and it's exactly what I needed to read.

This one was from Larry, when I was asking some tough questions -- I don't know how much I got it at the time, but enough for me to go hunting for it recently.

Do terrible things in the past have to have terrible consequences, or is that a choice I'm making every time I focus on them?: Recovery takes time and it's about unlearning stuff that's been in our heads for years. The terrible consequences in the present and future can be stopped, yes, but we can't put the brakes on the freight train and expect to stop it on a dime, yeah? We have to be gentle with ourselves. We need to learn to stop looking back and blaming ourselves for what is past. Once we have learned the lessons the past has for us, we should focus on the here and now and take responsibility for reclaiming control of our lives and feelings. If we want to we can of course dwell on the past indefinitely - that would be our right, after all. But how does spinning our wheels in the past help us with where we are now?

If we are what we choose to be, why am I choosing to be a "survivor?": Probably because you have reached the point where, at some level, you can see that living with all your feelings and questions bottled up and denied is no way to live at all. Sometimes we finally come to the realization that coping with the stress, trauma and denial is hijacking everything else we want to do in our lives. Ultimately, I think a guy chooses to be a survivor because he wants his life back and realizes this is the only way to achieve that.

Much-delayed thanks for that, Larry!

Does anyone else want to give a shout out to someone who said something a long time ago that just really makes sense now?

#237473 - 07/11/08 03:21 PM Re: Time-Release Posts (in a good way) [Re: MemoryVault]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yeah, tattoo that to the inside of your eyelids....ouch......

Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#237474 - 07/11/08 03:27 PM Re: Time-Release Posts (in a good way) [Re: Sans Logos]
MemoryVault Offline

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ wasn't a snappy one-liner, but those usually hit you right away! \:\)

#237502 - 07/11/08 05:50 PM Re: Time-Release Posts (in a good way) [Re: MemoryVault]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

I've gone over some of my old posts just to see how far I've come along. A lot of my earliest posts are gone now since I've been on this site since very early on, but it's still a good thing to do.

That's one of the things that I've learned. Perspective means everything. Remembering the abuse that happened to me all those years ago, I always remembered it with an eleven year olds mind. As I started dealing with it I've learned to look at it from a more enlightened perspective. I now know that it wasn't love, it was abuse. I now know that it wasn't my secret to keep for all those years, it was his manipulation of me to make me fearful of retribution. I know that my life, as it is now, is exactly where I want to be. Everything that happened and all of the consquences made me what I am today. I can accept that and be at peace with that. I can live today and hope for the future.

Take good care of yourself,


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

#237618 - 07/12/08 05:53 AM Re: Time-Release Posts (in a good way) [Re: Stephen_5]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2687
Loc: durham, north england
Reading this topic actually made me go back and reread some of my posts from last November and December when I first got here just after my crash.

it might just be that I woke up feeling more upbeat this morning, ----- heck, it might just be that I actually was! asleep enough to! wake up this morning (I've had a week of very literally sleepless nights), but I did find myself thinking that actually, despite cyclic depression, despite energy problems, and despite fatigue, I might actually be just slightly further along recovery wise than when I started.

I've remembered more of my abuse, ----- more than I wrote in fact in my initial story thread, i've reevaluated my "I've been fine" perception, I've understood my abuse was bad, and I've admitted that I need to see a T and get through this, ---- heck, I've even had a think about the relationship issue.

I'm certainly stil a very long way from alright, but perhaps all this has actually done me some good afterall?


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.