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#236718 - 07/08/08 08:34 AM When separating is the only way to success
riviera Offline

Registered: 06/01/05
Posts: 59
Loc: Spain
My boyf and I have reconsidered our relationship. We talked maturely and openly and agreed that he would move out soon.Reasons: the need to break this " patient-therapist" kind of interaction, he needs to find himself and fight for it, I need to see that he takes the lead of his recovery, I have to get rid of my "Florence Nightingale" complex, and also I need to have my own emotional needs met.

We both see that this is the only way to achieve success as individuals in regard to our relationship and then, there is a big possibility of finally getting together succesfully as a couple (romantically speaking).But I feel terrible cos the closest it gets to separate, the more panicky, clingy and fearful he is becoming. I feel I am pushing him to his limit. I struggle between his needs and mine.. and feel selfish for thinking on me for the first time ever! yet I can't put up with my "Florence Nightingale" complex anymore. It is killing me ...

I am feeling guilty for "forcing" the only situation I can see can lead to success (so he could he see this, now he doubts it).
If we keep going this way, the relationship will end. That is for sure...

I am not sure if I am doing the right thing although it feels that way.


Edited by riviera (07/08/08 08:58 AM)

#236723 - 07/08/08 10:02 AM Re: When separating is the only way to success [Re: riviera]
indygal Offline

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
remember to think there are alternatives - think thru the various scenarios in your mind - if him staying is one you find unacceptable and hopeless, then you know you are doing the right thing.

no doubt nothing you can say will totally pacify his fears; let him know this. He has to learn to trust himself as well as you. Let him know you are just as afraid as he is - which is probably right, yes? Let him know YOU want to trust him also, if he can let you.

I wish you all the best of luck. I'm sure it's going to be very difficult but something tells me it will be better afterwards.


my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.


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