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#235579 - 07/04/08 12:11 AM coping skills not working, suggestions
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
My coping skills are not working very well, if not at all, when it pertains to my constant nightmares. I have had some very horrible past few days, waking up in a sweat and crying for help. I am becoming more angry, more anxious, more irritable and just plain mad at the world.

Seems I am beginning to lose control of my life. I feel lost and at the breaking point. I want to be in control of my emotions, my feelings, my pain. I cannot control this part of my pain and it is getting the best of me. I don't know why I cannot find a way to deal with this. I am a very determined individual. I am determined to heal. I am wanting so much to better myself and my life. But this part I cannot control and I want and need answers. If I can't control this part of me, I don't know my eventual outcome. I fear the worst. I am scared of my thoughts that won't go away.

Thanks for listening. I am hurting and I don't know what next to do.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#235604 - 07/04/08 01:05 AM Re: coping skills not working, suggestions [Re: KENKEN]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2652
Loc: Denver, CO

how much of the increased intensity might be because you are now living single? i don't want to say anything to trigger - but for me - that would make the severity worse - making me more angry, anxious, and irritable...

as for what to do next? you're doing it. reaching out to us.


#235634 - 07/04/08 02:32 AM Re: coping skills not working, suggestions [Re: MarkK]
MagRaith Offline

Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT

One of the things that you were most excited about at the Weekend of Recovery that we both attended was the fact that your nightmares had ceased for a time. What was it that made that happen at that time? Is there something from the WoR that you can identify and employ that might help you in this situation? In other words, can you remind yourself of what helped stop them at that time, and can you use that to help to now?


#235643 - 07/04/08 02:54 AM Re: coping skills not working, suggestions [Re: MagRaith]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Ken You said "I want to be in control of my emotions, my feelings, my pain."

Ok, let's just suppose you can't be in control right now.

What if you just let yourself feel for a while and cut yourself some slack?

You've had a rough time of it and maybe taking some time to feel is what you need.

It might feel like shit, but feeling like shit isn't as bad as feeling like shit AND feeling frustrated that you aren't in control of feeling like shit.

Edited by hogan_dawg (07/04/08 02:54 AM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

#235713 - 07/04/08 12:51 PM Re: coping skills not working, suggestions [Re: KENKEN]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
ken, i have not had the experience of knowing you well at this point, but this seems like a job for higher power. i am not sure if you subscribe to belief in a power outside yourself or not, so i sure hope that what i am suggesting does not trigger you. at any rate, when i get these moments [and from what you are describing, i am not sure that i have ever felt them with such intensity, but i know one time i was brought the brink of ending it all], i remember those moment in my life that i would consider 'the worst of times' [ie when the abuse was happening] and recognize that i was brought out of that situation into 'better times'. for me, when i get 'this bad' i just have to surrender to the inability to control my inner world, and just try to do something to change my chemical or emotional state, like go for a walk, or get away from the present environment to clear my head and my spirit. to maybe put myself on hold for moment and contact someone else who may be suffering. i don't know these are just some thoughts. i keep you on my short list of prayers for today and hope that you come out of this soon.

take care and keep us posted brother,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#235853 - 07/05/08 01:41 AM Re: coping skills not working, suggestions [Re: Sans Logos]
endlessjourney Offline

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Sometimes we have to let these things run their course. They will make you feel horrible and they will cause you to feel that "loss of control". However, just know that they will pass in due time.

Until then, meditation, driving, working out, writing about it and even talking about it helps. A T or a close loved one can help release some of that. Remember that your nightmares and feelings are in no way a reflection of what exists in this so-called reality. They are feelings and only feelings. You may find yourself feeling threatened in an environment when there is no apparent threat. Learning to identify with that can help immensely as well.

Good luck,

Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

#235886 - 07/05/08 05:25 AM Re: coping skills not working, suggestions [Re: endlessjourney]
CDavid Offline

Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 184
Hey, Ken,

Nightmares suck, that's for sure. I've had to deal with them, off and on, for most of my life.

I will offer what works for me...and, it has worked well.

To write them out. Share them with a trusted friend. Very often the dreams, however obscure the content, were representative of what was going on in my waking life. But, writing them out helps to process them, make sense out of them.

What has really helped me, along the way, is an understanding that everything that I am feeling does make sense in the context of the my experiences. I feel crazy, when, in fact, what was done to me was crazy.

I do hope they lessen, soon.




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