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#235552 - 07/03/08 10:57 PM He feels like a Dark Soul
LittleMiss Offline

Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
My husband says he feels like a 'dark soul', that he is a bad person and that only bad things happen to the people around him. That is one of the reasons he says we should go our seperate ways - to protect me from the bad he will eventually bring.

But the thing is, the exact opposite is true. He is a shining white light of goodness. Everyone can see it in him. Dogs coming running to him. Former co-workers have written him letters saying that 'knowing him has changed how they look at life and they are thankful they have met him'. My mom calls him 'puppies & kittens', because everyone likes puppies & kittens.

He is not in therapy and refuses to talk about what happened to him. I guess my question is - how can he project so much goodness while feeling so 'bad'?


The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

#235558 - 07/03/08 11:09 PM Re: He feels like a Dark Soul [Re: LittleMiss]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
I wish I had the answer to that one Little Miss. My b/f is the same way - everyone loves him, even the people he has to bark at for work because they know he's fair and not just a jerk. But that dark cloud hangs over him all the time, he's the only one who can see it of course, but it's there like a shroud. He's been in therapy for over 2 years and is just now starting to admit, occasionally, that maybe he's not such a bad guy.

Therapy is doing this for him, of that I have no doubt. It's a slow go, but putting himself in the position where he has to talk about himself every week and not being "permitted" to rely only on his own thoughts about himself, which are poison to him, is priceless. I've told him all the good he is for almost 7 years, but to be honest, without the re-enforcement of a professional, it probably wouldn't have moved him at all.

ROCK ON..........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#235616 - 07/04/08 01:50 AM Re: He feels like a Dark Soul [Re: LittleMiss]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Herein lies the truth, he'll never see himself the way you see him, without therapy. I've spent many years, and many a conversation, but it's the truth.
Denial is a really powerful thing. Some of the effects my SO is now experiencing would've sent me (at the very LEAST, to a therapist or) off a cliff YEARS ago.
His excuses are not delivered in the "adult realm". He'll tell me, "You weren't there. You didn't see it happen". (Good thing, I would've killed the guy) "I wanted it." (He was SEVEN. At 43, I'd still like to meet the 7 year old that wants "sex", or for that matter, even KNOWS what it is!"
This isn't HIM talking, this is his seven-year-old self. If I had a nickel for every time he's told me he's "no good" for me, I'd be rich.
My SO is a different person in front of other people. His dark side appears around me, because he's determined, after the 20-30 years, that I'm no threat. Everyone loves him. The problem is, he hates himself.

This is SO very difficult.


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