This post was inspired by a conversation I had in the "forum questions" forum. I was asking about a screen name change because of a mistake I made when registering in which I got two astronomy terms mixed up. I wanted to be an object moving away at a great speed---fast enough to cause the light waves to act differently and change the color of the object. This visual distortion would, in astronomy, be called a redshift. But I forgot what was which and instead thought of blueshift which is actually the speed distortion working the other way when an object moves toward the observer.
I wanted to change my screen name and become redshift because I was attached not just to the idea of great speed, which I associate with a feeling of freedom, but to the idea of moving away---away from my abusers mainly. But how is it that in my mind an observer automatically translates to abuser? That question aside, I realised in the conversation that any redshift would also have to be a blueshift and vice versa because it's all relative to the position of the observer.
That thought got me thinking about multiple aspects of one entity appearing as different entities and I thought about the original idea behind the colored belts in martial arts. As a student of martial arts attains higher levels, wearing the same belt, the belt gets more and more soiled till it becomes black, and eventually becomes threadbare thereby turning white again and this is when the student has come "full circle".
Bare with me, I am going somewhere with this! lol Everything works two ways. Any ending is also a beginning. Anything that separates also joins. Anything moving away is also moving towards. I want freedom/escape from my SA issues, but there is no magic wand and to get there I have to be like the belt in a way, getting dirtier and dirtier with the crap as I deal with it more and more. Progress in this area often seems like progress in the wrong direction---I should be feeling cleaner, not dirtier! But like the black belt finally going thread bare, the work at some point comes full circle and I return to my former innocence.
The feeling of getting dirtier and dirtier is my seeing myself in absolute terms which like seeing the different stages of the same belt as being different belts.
"Hence it is said:
The bright path seems dim;
Going forward seems like retreat;
The easy way seems hard;
The highest virtue seems empty;
Great purity seems sullied;
A wealth of Virtue seems inadequate;
The strength of Virtue seems frail;
Real Virtue seems unreal;
The perfect square has no corners;
Great tallents ripen late;
The highest notes are hard to hear;
The greatest form has no shape.
The Tao is hidden and without name.
The Tao alone nourishes and brings everything to fulfillment."
Lao Tzu Trans--Gia Fu Feng and Jane English