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#233814 - 06/26/08 06:26 PM Support groups for men difficult to find
Muldoon Offline

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Guys here's the other part of the story and this is why I let them use my whole name. I just didn't want to be the newspaper token survivor. I wantedd to get some news coverage on the lack of help for Male Survivors. So the reporter agreed to do this story also.

I copied over the story here. We could really use some feed back on this on the newspaper web site.

Please go to their web site and comment on your experience trying to find help. It would be good also to put a good word in about the MS website.

Thanks alot

Support for men difficult to find

Support groups for men difficult to find
6/26/2008 10:35:02 AM
Comments (0)
By John Weiss

Post-Bulletin, Rochester MN

Tom Mahowald feels he's being abused again by a system that doesn't provide services to men who were abused.

He believes men are 20 years behind women in getting help with peer support groups. "We're like the silent majority, we don't speak up," he said..

"It's not just me, it's a national issue," he said. "There is nothing around here for support groups" in Winona, Rochester or LaCrosse, Wis. Women "get grant money and state funding," which is good for women, but men need help too. There should be equal services, he said. He said he tried to get something started in the Twin Cities, and had names of 15 men but didn't get anywhere with those controlling the money. "In many cases, they view us as the enemy because we're males," he said.

There are no federal mandates for equality. "Basically, men are left without any resources," he said. "There is no outreach for men."

A part of the problem is that it might be harder for men to admit to being abused, let alone join an organization. "It takes a lot for us to feel safe, in order to be in a group and in order to speak out," he said.

He belongs to some organizations of male sexual abuse survivors, but they are on-line only "We need peer support, we need to know we're not alone," he said. "The ideal situation is to have one locally where you could meet live with people....You really need that live connection, that local connection."

The Minnesota Department of Human Services said it doesn't fund such groups and doesn't know of any funding sources for groups like Mahowald wants.

Linda Billman, supervisor of child and family services for Olmsted County, said the county doesn't set up such groups and wait for people to show up. "Those things just don't exist for people to show up. You have to show a need," she said.

Or people in her department might see a trend in their case loads, such as many people having the same issue, and try to find a group that can set up a program.

Men need to join together, show they have a need that can be met with a program.

Research shows it's hard for anyone to disclose being sexually abused. Anecdotally, however, she's seen more men talking about it.

Her advice to those wanting a program is find others also interested and contact someone, such as the a director of family services in a county, and see what kind of help can be offered. You have to speak out to get help, she said. It's not that the government is against men, they are often silent, she said. "There is such a shame factor in talking about it," she said.

For more information, go to

Learn more about male survivors of sexual abuse, go to

Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

#233824 - 06/26/08 07:01 PM Re: Support groups for men difficult to find [Re: Muldoon]
LW1527 Offline

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I'm not trying to be a brat here, but I don't consider myself "token survivor" and I don't think anyone here is.

#233831 - 06/26/08 07:15 PM Re: Support groups for men difficult to find [Re: LW1527]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Tom my goodness you have huge testicles. Way to go!

I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

#233864 - 06/26/08 10:23 PM Re: Support groups for men difficult to find [Re: hogan_dawg]
haroldshouse Offline

Registered: 06/26/08
Posts: 1
Loc: CHicago, Ill
Very hard to find help for abused males. I am going to open a crisis center in Chicago for males,to help get the word out that we are not alone. And it is ok to speak out aBOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.

#233906 - 06/27/08 12:57 AM Re: Support groups for men difficult to find [Re: hogan_dawg]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO

Thanks a lot for your courage. I posted a lengthy comment on today's topic. I hope that it is helpful and not too long or too powerful. I was counting on a wider format. It is on the Post Bulletin now. Just need to figure out how to correct one typo in the third paragraph and modify my username by adding one additional underscore to push my name to the 2nd line. I will contact their webmaster by email to try to resolve the problem.

I had a lot on my one-track mind, and I forgot to plug for the MS site. If I could figure out how to edit my comment, I already know where I could add one sentence for that purpose.

Good going, my man.


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#233978 - 06/27/08 04:13 AM Re: Support groups for men difficult to find [Re: Trucker51]
Muldoon Offline

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Guys I reworded that paragrah about the token survivor. I didn't want the newspaper to look at me as a token survivor. Nolthing to do with the survivors here. I just wanted to be able to get up on my soap box and tell the world how fucked up things are for Male survivor looking for help. I think I got my point across.

Mark thanks for leaveing the comment at the papers web site ,great job.


Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

#234011 - 06/27/08 11:45 AM Re: Support groups for men difficult to find [Re: Muldoon]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
tom, thanks so much for stepping out to be part of the solution! you are one of my heroes

Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC


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