Newest Members
ComfusedGF41, Mohan, udefined, NoahOkGuy, Adi
13826 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
arty (50), atari_kid86 (32), ava_adore (32), babs (67), bkeithb (53), shylo (38), si (26), universe (37)
Who's Online
2 registered (Broknwings, 1 invisible), 44 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,826 Registered Members
75 Forums
71,967 Topics
502,747 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#233004 - 06/24/08 08:27 AM I guess you can say I am back
Jeff S. Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 46
Loc: Northern WIsconsin
After about a 2 year abscence from MaleSurvior, I have come back. For a time, my issues seemed to have more to do with my wife's recovery from SRA than my abuse as a child. However, there are people who know a lot more than I do that are suggesting that it may be my own issues right now that are causing most of the problems in my life.

Some background on me. I am almost 49, been married to my childhood sweetheart for almost 27 years. We have two chldren who are both grown, although the oldest still lives at home. I was verbally and emotionally abused by my mom growing up. When I was 11-12 years old, I was physically, emotionally abused by a teacher and once he raped me.

My wife is a satanic ritual abuse (SRA) survivor, who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and has a whole slew of medical issues.

Right now, I am really feeling down and questioning myself. Emotionally, I am feeling very empty again. I struggle to find joy in anything. My wife has been horribly critical of anything I do lately...I feel like I can't do anything right (even though I know that's an overstatement).

I look forward to being active on the board. I hope to learn and grow through listening to everyone else.

Jeff S.


Top
#233008 - 06/24/08 08:37 AM Re: I guess you can say I am back [Re: Jeff S.]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Jeff,

It's good to see you back and I hope you will take it easy on yourself and ease yourself back into the site at a pace that feels comfortable to you. As you know, you will find a lot of support and understanding here.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#233016 - 06/24/08 09:06 AM Re: I guess you can say I am back [Re: roadrunner]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Jeff - This is like very crazy, but I think I should respond to you. I understand where you are coming from, but from the back end. I am a survivor of SRA from when I was very young. I won't go into detail. I hope your wife is getting good help, if not, get her some. It is very difficult to get through, but it is possible. You are living with a person who thinks she is going insane and does very odd things and doesn't know why she is doing it. Living with a person with DID is difficult to say the least. There's a good book out there called, Disociative Identity Disorder Source Book through Amazon. Maybe that will help. I would not take anything personal right now. Also, this is where the tire hits the road, where unconditional love is needed, where unselfishness and patience and what is called Long Suffering comes into play. Maybe it's time to put away who's right and who's wrong and just love her and learn to say "I'm sorry" a million times. You need to be her rock.

I am sure you are doing all of this. I just felt a need to say something to you and to reassure you it isn't easy, but it is possible.


Top
#233105 - 06/24/08 02:44 PM Re: I guess you can say I am back [Re: LW1527]
Jeff S. Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 46
Loc: Northern WIsconsin
LW,
I have tried hard to be her rock. I have tried being patient. But it seems nothing I do is right. She's told me she's sick of me saying "I'm sorry." But all she does is blame. WHat else am I supposed to do.

The scariest part of where I am right now is that I have lost track of who I am. I am so out of touch with me I don't know what I want, need, desire, or whatever. One of my closest friends asked me what I would do if I had three days to myself and I couldn't even answer, the question is almost too complicated, too intimidating. I have been the survivor and caretaker of another survivor for so long, I've lost "me" in the process.

It's scary.

Jeff


Top
#233124 - 06/24/08 03:28 PM Re: I guess you can say I am back [Re: Jeff S.]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I understand. What's more is that you not only take care of her, but since she has DID, you are taking care of her alters as well. Instant burnout and resentment. I don't have any good words of incouragement here. It sounds like you just need a break from all the madness, right? Some distance might help. I would suggest finding a good therapist to work with both of you on this problem. DID is a wild card. Just when you think you've got it figured out, something wild happens. I know there are websites and help for spouses. In the meantime, please, please dump here. I think you are surrounded by many good people that will support you.


Top

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND at the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.