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#23175 - 11/25/02 09:26 PM Major Depression
Roy Offline

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
Hello everyone,

I seem to be suffering a relapse of major depression, something that has plagued me for years. Especially since being raped seven years ago and the resulting emotional collapse. I thought I was getting better, but seem to be worse off now than six months ago. I desperately need to return to work as I am running out of financial options quickly. Of course, that is adding a great deal of anxiety to the picture which doesn't help anything. I am so down that I find it extraordinarily difficult to look for employemnt. It is hard to promote yourself when you feel this way.

I am sure many of you have been through similar experiences and I wonder what you did about it. I am even considering applying for social security disability (SSDI) to buy myself more time to get back on my feet. I am feeling emotionally fragile right now, not really able to cope with the demands of the workplace.

Does anyone know of a website similar to this one but for coping with depression? One where I could interact with others struggling with similar issues? It is frustrating to be feeling this way, especially since I am compliant with going to therapy, and take two antidepressants (Wellbutrin and Effexor) which seem to be inadequate.

Any input or advice is appreciated. Thanks.

#23176 - 11/25/02 11:24 PM Re: Major Depression
New to this Offline

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 138
Loc: Mississippi
Hey Roy

This seems to be a little deeper than turning 41. Last week I thought the birthday had you down, but I guess there is more to it.

I wish you could see yourself as I do. I see you as a smart, funny, loving person who's been through hell, but is not bitter or mad at the world.

That gives you such a unique and powerful perspective on what we've been through. You are in a position to help others, and you've helped me through the worst (and best) two months of my life. You really came through for me when I needed a friend.

The post on shadows got me to thinking about Peter Pan. It seems we are all alot like the lost boys. Just think how easy it would be if happy thoughts and a little Pixie dust was all we needed to be able to fly.

I've got plenty of happy thoughts, but where the hell do you get Pixie dust?


"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon

#23177 - 11/25/02 11:44 PM Re: Major Depression
blacken Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1984
Loc: Northern Ohio
Hi Roy,
I was diagnosed as PTSD, and I certainly felt depressed for about 2 years. Suicidal at times, (had a few plans of how I was going to do it too), and a general intence hatered for life. Things looked bleak.
For me, [1]individual counseling with a therapist who made me face and dig, (gently)into all the issues, [2] group counseling with a group of men, [3] a friend that was completely accepting & [4] a brother who believed me, & [5] time. These things, in the long run, got me over the hump.
I'm not "cured". I'm still dealing with and learning to "overcome", (if there is such a thing), the past, and how the abuse misconfigured my sence of self, and etc. But now, at least I am hopeful.
And ya, It was super difficult to go to work, (I work with abused kids & sometimes the perps), at times. But, I think, working helped me stay sain. It kept me from thinking about my own pain & anxiety all the time.
You might want to concider different meds. A change may be what you need if you feel they're not helping.
For me, being in a small [6-8] closed group with only other males was super helpful.
And I also have come to believe that small efforts repeated day in & day out will eventually lead to success.

#23178 - 11/25/02 11:54 PM Re: Major Depression
Pete Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/25/02
Posts: 7
Loc: New Jersey
I too have suffered greatly the same as you. Know that there are good people out there who care and have gone through what you face. I am human and have come up from where you are. Perhaps even worse. I don't know of a particular site, but I know prozac has helped me a great deal. Also, you are going through this in a an era when society has found it acceptable to put men down. We suffer as anyone else. It is normal and fixable. If you wish to email me. I am at Take care and love yourself. Peter

I pray for all my buddies on this site. If you want to talk. please email anytime.

#23179 - 11/26/02 04:12 AM Re: Major Depression
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

I've suffered severe depression most of my life, tho no official dx until about 10 years ago. Last year, after about 10 years of therapy, the memories of my SA came back to me, and I've since been dx'd with Complex PTSD rooted in that SA.

Becuz of this & also the resultant chronic fibromyalgia, since March I've been on disability leave (thru my job, not SSI), tho I'm now working (very) part-time.

It's good you are compliant with going to therapy. Are you currently in therapy? Is it good therapy that is helping you? If not, do you have a way of getting into any, as an unemployed person?

Especially since you've been particularly troubled by the depression since the rape 7 years ago, its just possible you have PTSD & your depression is a symptom, as with me. If so good therapy could really help you. Also good support groups live or online.

Don't know of any good depression recovery sites offhand, but TA (Trauma Anonymous) could be helpful; I go there some myself.

You may be hesitant to change doctors or medication, but I did so until I found what helped the most. I tried several antidepressants before finally settling on Zoloft which I've been on for many years. Of course, Zoloft is also prescribed for fibromyalgia, and was the 1st med officially recommended for treatment of PTSD.

Just some thots & experiences Roy. Hope something helps some. Take care.


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#23180 - 11/26/02 04:40 AM Re: Major Depression
Sleepy Offline

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I hope to echo Devon's thoughts. You've helped me a lot in the last few weeks and I have certainly appreciated your insight, wit, and your intelligence. So it's time to find some direction because we're suppose to grab that beer at the Spirit Room. So head a little east and meet me up in Jerome! Take care of yourself.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

#23181 - 11/26/02 06:03 PM Re: Major Depression
Roy Offline

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
Thank you all so very much for your support. It helps to know that many of you have struggled with this and found a way to manage it. I think part of my problem is being in denial about the severity of my depression. It is something I am irrationally embarrassed about.

I have been going to a really great mens group for almost a year now which helps a lot. The therapist I currently have is a nice older lady, but she has fallen asleep three times now during sessions lately. Not asleep asleep, more like head dips. Last time I asked her if she wanted to switch places so she could lay down. I know I can go all the way around the barn to explain some things, but I don't think my stories are THAT boring. So that might be another part of the problem. Ya think?

I have tried most of the medications mentioned above, and they all have failed at some point. I see the psychiatrist next week, so will ask him about Celexa. I'm willing to be a human lab rat at this point.

It helps just to talk about it, ask for help, and admit how low I am feeling. Thanks again.

#23182 - 11/26/02 08:08 PM Re: Major Depression
New to this Offline

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 138
Loc: Mississippi
Hey Roy,

I'm thinking a dog would be a better therapist than what you have now. At least a dog would wag his tail and act interested. You could get a lot of therapy for a box of dog bones.

I didn't talk about my depression earlier because I remember how annoying happy, perky people can be when you are depressed. But since you seem to want to hear from others I will tell you.

I spent 16 years on antidepressants, and for the last 10 years took stimulants(for ADD) also. The really amazing part is that when I learned of my abuse and put all of the pieces together, I didn't need any medication at all.

Prior to September 4 of this year I was considering trying to get on disability also. I was in one of the worst major depressive episodes since the one during which I tried to commit suicide. The antidepressants were not really helping the depression. The only reason I was taking Prozac was so I wouldn't cry during Hallmark Card commercials(it was that bad). I finally realized that the drug was helping me suppress my feelings--the very thing that caused the depression. I was depressed from a lifetime of suppressing my feelings, and I was taking Prozac so I wouldn't feel.
Should I repeat that part?

I was depressed from a lifetime of suppressing my feelings, and I was taking Prozac so I wouldn't feel.

I took a really wild rollercoaster ride for about 3 weeks after quitting the Prozac, but my emotions finally leveled off and I feel well for the first time since my abuse.

So now you've heard from someone who has been there and recovered.


"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon


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