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#231094 - 06/15/08 10:12 AM I don't like females!
JasonSmalls Offline

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
Ok, here's the thing. I don't like being around females when I'm in chat and sometimes I feel weird when females read my posts and pm me, which has happened. I don't know why I feel this way considering my mom was a female ofcourse, and she never really abused me, my T is female, my faghag friend is a female, and my aunt is a female. I actually do have issues being around them anyway, but when I with those four people its not that bad.

It's just that I think for me when I'm in the chat and I'm talking about "Stuff" I think I'm telling about it to all guys and that's good for me but when a girl invades the chat and starts taking over the conversation or getting her two cents in I just don't like it.

I'm talking about this now because yesterday morning I was in the chat and I was talking to this new guy and we were really having a good conversation and everything was fine. Then this person comes in and asks if we can answer a question. Half way through I asked her if she's male or female, and she said she was fem. I'm sorry but I just couldn't deal with it. And then to top it all off she starts chatting at like a mile a minute. I'm thinking to myself, "Where did our conversation go?"

Then I asked if her husband was a survivor and she said no, but she is. I'm thinking geez, there's like 999 sites dedicated to female survivors online and just 1 to males. And her big question had nothing to do with CSA. It was just totally irrelevant and I'm still kinda trying to figure out what the fuck she was talking about. She was mad that her friend, who invited her to dinner two years and one year ago didn't invite her this year. Are you serious? Why do you come into a male abuse survivors chatroom to ask something like that? Go on AOL or ask Abby on something!

Oh well! I just had to say all this, cause I'm mad about things, probly because nothing seems to be going my way lately and I feel like people are using me for their own benefits and leaving me with nothing. I guess this is just me "feeeling sorry for myself again."


Edited by JasonSmalls (06/15/08 10:14 AM)

#231111 - 06/15/08 02:16 PM Re: I don't like females! [Re: JasonSmalls]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

It's understandable that you would react like this. It isn't about disliking women; it's about safety. You came in to talk and were ready to chat with other male survivors like yourself, and that was okay for you. You were NOT expecting to be confronted by a woman who has nothing to do with male survivors, and that made you feel uncomfortable.

There are several things you can do in a situation like that. The first is to notify the Mod Team, since she is in the wrong place if she is not a partner, friend or family member of a male survivor.

Another thing you can do is ask your friend to accompany you to another room, like the Treehouse or Survivor Support. Or if you feel you can, you can also ask the person to leave or go to the Friends and Family Room.

This site is YOUR turf. Please don't hesitate to claim it and ask the Mod Team to make it safe for you.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#231133 - 06/15/08 03:43 PM Re: I don't like females! [Re: roadrunner]
Hauser Offline

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2963
Loc: United States
Joey, THIS would have been a perfect time for you to assert yourself. You're not the only one that doesn't appreciate the company of females in the chat room, although I'm not one of them because, in almost EVERY situation where a new female member shows up, she's in the middle of a crisis. I've seen at a half-dozen times now. The last time a new female showed up, she had a 12yo son that recently disclosed to her that he was being abused by an older acquaintance living next door. My point being that MANY times, there are GOOD reasons for them to be coming to the chat room. For some of these women, the VERY THOUGHT of a boy/teen getting sexually abused was a concept TOTALLY outside of their experience and they simply didn't know what else to do besides come to that chat room. In MOST of these cases, they had VERY good reasons to come there.

Now, in the case that you just brought up, she had no business being there, obviously. And do you know what? It would have been very easy for you to dismiss her from the chat room, you simply and politely tell her that this room is purpose-made for MALE survivors and that she needs to find a more appropriate place for support. I have seen other male survivors say this to the women in question, and they, without exception, discreetly leave without hesitation

Sometimes we have to assert ourselves Joey. Next time, if this happens, politely remind her that she is intruding on sacred ground, or whatever way you would like to say it.

Knowing your gift for subtlety Joey, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard for you to conjure up the right words!

#231326 - 06/16/08 07:31 PM Re: I don't like females! [Re: Hauser]
fhorns Offline

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 706
I am glad I read this thread, because my main perpetrator was my mother. I too feel uncomfortable around women when feeling very vulnerable. To be more blunt, I verge on dissociating. I really, really get terrified.


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