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#230968 - 06/14/08 06:27 PM I need your help...MAY TRIGGER!
standingbyhim Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 8
Hi everyone. Things between my husband and I have been better, so I haven't been around as much (not that I posted a lot anyway!) My husband has turned his uncle in and we are waiting to go to court. The court has asked him to write a victims statement about how he & our family have been affected by his CSA. These are the questions that want him to answer:

What are your feelings about the incident?
How your life is different because of the incident?
What you think the defendant's sentence should be?

Let me just say that I hate the way the court worded the questions. I hate that word "incident" it's more than just a damn incident..... Anyway, I am asking for all of your help because my husband has a very hard time verbalizing how he feels. He has asked me to help him with the letter, but I think that someone who has been in his shoes would be a better help than me. Thank you for all of your help.


#230970 - 06/14/08 06:29 PM Re: I need your help...MAY TRIGGER! [Re: standingbyhim]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Hi Tiffany:
We ask that only male survivors post in the male survivor public forum. You can ask these questions in family and friends and get responses from male survivors and family members as well.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#230982 - 06/14/08 07:18 PM Re: I need your help...MAY TRIGGER! [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
standingbyhim Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 8
Sorry about that, I wasn't sure where to post! Thanks.

#231068 - 06/15/08 04:28 AM Re: I need your help...MAY TRIGGER! [Re: standingbyhim]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

It may be easier for your husband if he writes a letter to the perp uncle stating how he feels and how the abuse has affected his life. Encourage him to write it with no intention of ever sending it; the letter is just a vehicle for him to express how he feels.

He may feel more comfortable doing that than writing down things specifically for use in court, and then he can look at his letter and see what he can take from it to report to the court. But he is the only one who really knows his feelings and it's important that he acknowledge and "own" those feelings.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#231398 - 06/17/08 01:08 AM Re: I need your help...MAY TRIGGER! [Re: roadrunner]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey

I think Larry's suggestion is good. Trying to specifically state to an outsider all of things that were and are wrong with bullet points is alot of pressure. It also depersonalizes the whole thing. Ask your husband to keep it personal; it'll be difficult for him without a doubt, but it's probably the best way for him to express the loss and make others understand so that the perpetrator gets what he deserves.

ROCK ON.......Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.


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