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#230748 - 06/13/08 07:28 PM what i miss/need/crave most
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
close, intimate physical contact
sex? not necessarily
but the warmth of another

i don't know how much longer this relationship with my wife is going to last. it's like neither of us wants to admit that we're tired of things as they are - but we both understand things are not getting any better. not between us. her life goes on. mine goes on. but "us" just doesn't exist anymore.

i used to think i could be a hermit. well, i might live in the middle of a major metropolis - but i AM, in most ways, living the life of a hermit. and it's killing me.

this is definitely a lesson in "how to be completely alone in the midst of others"...


#230750 - 06/13/08 07:38 PM Re: what i miss/need/crave most [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

If things are that bad perhaps it's time for a talk - just sitting down and discussing how things are, how you feel, what you both want, what you can and cannot give to the task of redeeming the relationship, and indeed - whether you want to see the relationship continue. Perhaps the sad truth is that things are beyond that.

My wife and I had a talk like that some years ago. I was falling apart for reasons I did not yet understand, and she had well and truly had it. But of course there were two sides to the problem - there always are. Somehow I managed to see - and suggest - that we needed to address the problem and not just contest to see who would win the latest argument. We had to decide if our relationship was worth the effort both of us would have to make.

One thing I learned from that, Mark, was that there is such a thing as a "make or break" stage when things get bad. Sometimes it's in the interest of both partners to call it a day if they just don't see a way forward. That may hurt, but it hurts even more to go through the motions when the reality is that there's nothing left to lose.

My wife and I backed away from the brink, and I'm glad we did. I think there really is a lot to save and cherish between us, even if there remains a ton of work to be done. Maybe you and your wife will discover the same thing. Maybe not.

Either way, my friend, please believe me when I say I ache for you right now. It sucks when things are like this, and no doubt about it. I wish I had some magic formula to offer.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#230828 - 06/14/08 01:54 AM Re: what i miss/need/crave most [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
i've lost all drive

it's like i really don't care any more

last week i was on top of the world

i can't take much more of this ride.



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