If things are that bad perhaps it's time for a talk - just sitting down and discussing how things are, how you feel, what you both want, what you can and cannot give to the task of redeeming the relationship, and indeed - whether you want to see the relationship continue. Perhaps the sad truth is that things are beyond that.
My wife and I had a talk like that some years ago. I was falling apart for reasons I did not yet understand, and she had well and truly had it. But of course there were two sides to the problem - there always are. Somehow I managed to see - and suggest - that we needed to address the problem and not just contest to see who would win the latest argument. We had to decide if our relationship was worth the effort both of us would have to make.
One thing I learned from that, Mark, was that there is such a thing as a "make or break" stage when things get bad. Sometimes it's in the interest of both partners to call it a day if they just don't see a way forward. That may hurt, but it hurts even more to go through the motions when the reality is that there's nothing left to lose.
My wife and I backed away from the brink, and I'm glad we did. I think there really is a lot to save and cherish between us, even if there remains a ton of work to be done. Maybe you and your wife will discover the same thing. Maybe not.
Either way, my friend, please believe me when I say I ache for you right now. It sucks when things are like this, and no doubt about it. I wish I had some magic formula to offer.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)