I had to take my daughters' car about 50 miles roundtrip for oil change & servicing. Everything was fine until about a third of the way back. It had been raining some. Well it started pouring. A semi truck came up close behind me before passing even tho there were two clear lanes. The mist it threw off cut visibility to near zero.
Already my back, neck & shoulders are aching and my left side especially is getting number. This is to a degree typical with my fibromyalgia but much worse since the recent accident I had. Not to mention all the driving & sitting in the waiting room I just did.
It was all downhill from there, and I don't mean the road!
It seemed as tho just like that nearly everybody on the road was driving as tho totally insane. Passing close, pulling out in front of you when you're close, no lights or turn signals (does anybody know what those things are?!).
On that short stretch of road I ran into 3 or 4 instances of people for one reason or another coming over on my side of the road. Why in hell's bathroom do people when their side of the road gets blocked or obstructed think the other side automatically instantly becomes theirs no matter who is in it or where?!
Already by this time I'm getting really uptight & considering pulling over but no good place to do it and I want to get home so bad but I'm trying to
go slower & people keep running up my rear bumper.
Then it happens.
On the opposite side of the road a truck pulling a boat & another car are pulled over, off the road but just barely. Then on my side is a cop lights flashing pulled over the same way. And people coming over into my lane like they bought & paid for the damned thing!
Flashbacks of my recent accident in a somewhat similar situation hit me...
I slow down & get thru the narrow gap I'm left without hitting the police car thank God!
So now I'm really shaken--and shaking. Sweating. The road starts to look like its moving. Reality seeoms to be changing. I feel myself starting to space out & force myself to focus, trying to drive slow enuf not to hydroplane but fast enuf not to get rear-ended.
Nowhere to safely pull over. I want to get home so bad.
Suddenly I start crying uncontrollably & can't stop. I feel like a lost little kid again. I want to go home I cry.
I cry to God to transport me home.
It doesn't happen.
But prayer is the only thing to keep me going thru this mess & getting me home in one piece.
We're not talking about anything near a big town or major interstate here people.
We're talking about people who couldn't drive from one end of their driveway to another in perfect weather if you gave them exact directions!
The rest of the way home people continue to prove to me and the rest of the world they don't think exists their exemplary driving skills in perfectly
lousy weather conditions!
I finally made it home & just kinda blanked out for awhile.
When my wife got home I threw myself into her arms
Men I've had attacks of panic or anxiety before. Supposedly most people have one occasionally in some degree, especially those with PTSD and trauma
survivors. Sure as heck I've been scared before too. Not often actually, not like this.
When I'm too scared to be even a bit aggravated when I'm driving in such conditions among such people, I'm terrified.
That's exactly what I was. Terrified & panicked.
The damn road became like this narrow tunnel full
of fog and vehicles flying at me. I felt like I was trapped in some kinda bad video game gone crazy or something.
My wife said look some stuff up on the net. So I did and out of several sites with symptom lists I had most of them during that drive. Panic attack.
Already I was nervous about driving again, tho I had some since the accident. Now I'm afraid I might have another panic attack. I think they call that agoraphobia or something.
My wife's great. She said I'm a very strong person
and I've gotten thru a lot & I'll get thru this.
Oddly enuf I believe it. At least right now I do.
But I'm not on a wet road with a bunch of people with wet noodles for brains! I'm here at the computer sharing this with my friends & brother wolves here at MS. I'm glad to be able to do that.
I've gotten back on the road again after some really bad accidents, literally & metaphorically speaking.
I'll do it again...