Last summer i witnessed my dog being hit by a truck therefore i am always triggered and imiidately flashback to that horrific day i will not soon forget.
However i live in a multiple apt com-plex and people speed through( speed limit is 15 mph) here all the time and i tell them as a result of my fear of witnessing a child or an animal being clipped and killed by an asshole to slow down,by the way the office does nothing to stop it or speak to tenants who live here.
Anyway i told ( the wrong person i guess) to "slow the fuck down" well needless to say he got out of his car and reached inside his shirt, i grabbed a stick to protect myself( who knows what i had or could have had ....we had words i continued to tell him "all i asked you is to slow down...." i dont give a fuck fat boy get back in your car or you'ree all mine" ,,...he said......well the long and short of it he got in my face and punched me and i now have a swollen eye...and i called the police,they took the report and files have been charged.
My feeling a rollercoaster of emotions is putting it mildly...rage,fear,sad,numb most of all...my fiancee ripped into me as a result of her fear( yet she tells me to press charges ...however i didn't fuckin need to be lecturted and i told you so....i fell apart and started crying and i want(ed) to find this coward,who by the way was old enough to be my father,and snap his neck.......anyway i am trying to get to my point....i feel like that little kid who never was able to use his voice and now i do and get punched in the eye afterall i know we dont live in a "normal" society granted.
I know i should not have said anything
i could have let it go and let this ass speed and let him deal with the consequenes of HIS BEHAVIOR.....
i didn't do this
my fiancee told me i could have been shot or stabbed lying in the ICU ...i can see her point
i was abused in every way imaginablev as a kid therefore i refuse to let anyone to walk on me or potentially hurt those i love yet the very person i love who i would do anything for gives, who i thought would support me, me a ration of shit and lecture me for what i did
for how i should have kept my mouth shut
how i should have did this
how i could have done that.........fuck that...anyway i am pissed with her and i know i cant unload on her because of my inability to "think" before i open(ed) my mouth .....i cant deal with how:
How i thought
How it feels to be so embarrased and looked upon like a little pussy
anyway i dont care about what happens to me and i could care less ...i am not going to stop being who i am and using my voice.
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "