I know very much how you feel, that at some point soon it will all disappear, and that you wish it be yourself that disappears. I reached breaking point last week, and am glad I made choice to live instead. I do not know what advice I can give you, I just hope that you will take good care of yourself and keep yourself as safe as possible. I wish you well.
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963