I have been thinking about this post ever since I first read it, and to be abundantly clear ---- it pisses me off! I wasn't going to even waste my time responding, but I've been walking around fuming about it for the last couple of days..... so here goes!
1. There are a lot of people who have been raped, abused, killed in front of their children, killed with their children, and so on. The reason you know all of this has happened is because you've heard about it, or read about it, or have seen it on the news. If all these people who witnessed or lived through such an ordeal and stayed silent, you would think the world was a safe and perfectly happy place. But because people like me have chosen to speak up and about what happened to them, you believe we should just forget about it and move on? I wish it were that easy, lynchmob.
2. I am not a very courageous person. Just ask the kids in the neighborhood who'd like to rip my head off for being a homo. (I don't care though.) My point is this; you cannot expect of me to go running into a burning building when everyone is running out. Chances are I would never shoot my gun at another person with a gun, I'd probably just run away. I've always had the mindset that if I hit someone, even if he/she was hitting me, that would just cause them to get even more angry and hit harder. I have no problem with running away. But the thing is, I've always been running away, and I've always kept to myself about certain things. I'm not this brave guy who can stand up and proclaim that the world or a person has done great harm to me and move on. I'm just not made up like that. The harm that has been done to me has affected me, more than it seems it has affected you.
3. I'm really happy for you. If the truth is, as you say "so what," and that's how you honestly feel about what was done to you in the past, then more power to you. I wish someday I can get to that point. But I can't and I won't judge anyone who just can't seem to figure things out for themselves and get on the right track.
4. "Oh poor me. I'm the only one who has been through what I've been through." It's true! I really believe that. Nobody has experienced abuse the exact same way I have. They don't feel the affects from it exactly as I do. They cannot completely understand what it's like in my mind and how it feels everyday. But the same goes for me with what happened to other people. I don't have any room to judge anyone else with how they should feel, what they should think, and who they are. I have enough problems. Believe me!
5. Pedophiles teach valuable lessons to. They teach a kid, like me, that our feelings don't matter and what we think about the things they are doing to us is ok, because we don't count except for providing pleasure to a sick and twisted individual.
6. Part of me believes, even if I don't say much and I don't want to talk a lot about what happened to me, that even when I do, I'm not only helping myself, but I'm educating others. I feel like my shrink, for instance, even though she probably knows everything about abuse short of being a victim, I can educate her about what happened to me and she can then become more informed when dealing with another kid who went through similar experiences.
7. When I do stay silent and go into my own little dark world mentally, I usually do it because I'm afraid of what non-victims might think of me. I'm afraid how they'll percieve me and if they will point the blame at me. What hurts more is when someone who should be supporting me, because they experienced similar abuse, is no longer listening and instead, pointing the finger in my direction and discounting how and what I feel. It doesn't seem fair.
Well.... there it is. I had to say my peace. Lynchmob? I'm thinking that maybe you wrote this in anger, and maybe not, but whatever your emotion was at the time, I respect your opinions and I will never pass judgment on you.
Edited by JasonSmalls (06/04/08 08:25 PM)