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#228273 - 06/01/08 01:06 PM Healing hurts like hell
Letourski Offline

Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
Hey guys,

I have had so many thoughts and feelings over the last few days I have lost count. Here is my question:

How can I validate my thoughts and feelings without relating in terms of sex?

It is so embedded in who I am that changing my ways seems impossible. I hear so many say witness your feelings or don't push them away, I want nothing more to take this approach and I tell myself this everyday yet it does not internalize.

Most of my previous posts mention same sex attraction, well the truth is yes these feelings are there and yes I am confused to no end but I don't want these issues guiding my life anymore. Teach me what it is I need to learn and move on that's all I want. I rely so much of who I am on sexuality, it seems I don't know anything else. Even when I am not thinking of sex I force myself to. Oh I don't feel attracted to anyone today well there must be something wrong with me. It is very cyclical indeed and I want to be able to stop it somewhere.

Do I dare ask the why questions, do they have the answers. Why do my attraction work the way they do? Nobody can tell me that not even the best therapist in the world. I am not cynical but many people have said just let it be and it will resolve in time.
How much time? When because life keeps moving and it doe not slow for anyone. When my future is uncertain in so many ways how do I live day to day. These issues are here and they are very real, I don't have to rhyme them off so many of us deal with similar emotions. So for now I have to be patient I guess and step back from myself and let things happen but when so much of your old defense tactics no longer work it's tough planting your two feet firmly and saying I will survive.

I don't have the answers, I barely know the questions.


I am the warrior.

#228290 - 06/01/08 04:17 PM Re: Healing hurts like hell [Re: Letourski]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Being aware of your thoughts is a good place to start. This is what my T had me do and still has me do. Examine the thought is it rational or not. Is it true or false.
My last perp sexualized many things males, females, music. So I have sexual thoughts all the time. I don't know if they will ever go away but I do know that many of them are not black & white and are gray and this makes it hard to make sense of them. It used to be I would meet someone and instantly wonder what sex would be like with them. Over time I learned that this preoccupation with sex was part of my grooming and have learned to discard these thoughts as not factual. I still have thoughts but they don't last as long or have the power I once gave them. Over time we can learn to take away their power and move on.
I'm just speaking of my own experience. I know we all handle things differently.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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#228310 - 06/01/08 07:06 PM Re: Healing hurts like hell [Re: GateKPR4]
rehpotsirhcs Offline

Registered: 10/11/07
Posts: 204
Sex in itself is a normal, healthy thing. We are all meant to be sexual beings. I think when you start separating good sexual feelings from sexual feelings felt during abuse then sex may be a more positive and less interfering part of your life. This issue does take tremendous work and time. How much time depends on each individual person and the abuse circumstances they experienced. Try to have fun today without sex. Listen to music, take deep breaths, go for a walk, etc.

#228318 - 06/01/08 07:52 PM Re: Healing hurts like hell [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
IMGOOD Offline

Registered: 05/31/08
Posts: 20
Thats right Letourski, listen to rehpotsirhcs.
You need to learn how to separate sex from sexual abuse.
Don't worry, that will come in time. Unfortunately no one can teach you what it is you need to learn and move on. If it where that easy this site would have never been created, it's all about self-awareness. I think that abuse causes you to react sexually and therefore becomes so much of who you identify with, because like most here it happened very early and imprinted on your mind like the simple task of learning how to speak. That's what's so horrible about it, and that's what cause's so much grief and misery, you can't just "forget it"....but you need to put it where it belongs and move on.
Hope that helps.

I'm walking. With each step I choose to heal

#228393 - 06/02/08 01:32 AM Re: Healing hurts like hell [Re: IMGOOD]
Letourski Offline

Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
Every bit counts, I appreciate your insight.

I am the warrior.


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