I don't have a lot to say. It won't take long to tell my story. It's the same old story of abuse. I was sexually abused since before I was 5 years old when I lived in Hawaii. I was abused several times in the day care by two men. But that wasn't all. My father got his kicks in to and abused both my older sister and I. We moved to Long Beach when I was 7. I used to talk about the ghosts that would come into my room. Later I found out that the ghosts were my father and sister. I don't know how long it lasted. I fought every day after school and was a loser in everything I did. One day after school I as pulled into an alley and gang raped. I was 12. There was an older girl who I would walk home with. She invited me into her house and into her room. There was no one else there. She told me to have sex with her. I didn't understand. It was horrible.
We moved to San Diego when I was 13. There was a group of boys who I hung around with that decided it was cool to have sex with each other. They weren't gay. They said it was what boys did. I went along with it for awhile. I was raped in the restroom at the beach when I was 16. One day I visited a good friend about 20 miles away. I stayed the night. I found him touching me. I don't know why I just lied there in bed and let him do it. I was numb. I just had no feelings and didn't care. This group of boys I talked about earlier would take me to a man's apartment downtown. There was group sex there. Sometimes the man would take me into his bedroom for one on one. Later, I saw this man murdered. After that, the killer tried chased me through the streets to kill me too. I tried telling my sister who refused to believe anything I said and turned my family against me. My mother and father are dead so that doesn't matter anyway. My story is pretty simple. Alcoholic dad, distant mother, wacked out sister. And then there's me. I had no boundaries or morals. I'm married now with two young boys. I have boundaries now. I am very careful with them. I don't even spank my kids. I am not afraid of abusing them because that is not in my nature. Dad used to beat me a lot, so I vowed I would never beat anyone. I am uncomfortable around men and I hate to be touched. I don't trust anyone. I just thought I would get this off my mind.