Iím thinking that maybe I feel a little different from those who have had similar experiences because I was forced away from the environment. I didnít turn 18 and move away from the abuse willingly. I was 14, and was taken away from my mom and uncle by force and placed first, in a foster care facility for a few days, and later with my grandparents, who eventually adopted me.
Iím thinking that maybe part of me believes that I was robbed of being with my mother and uncle and I feel betrayed by them and the legal system that swore to protect me and other kids like me. Part of me is angry that I was taken from them to be honest. Yeah, I know how painful and crazy the stuff was while I was living with them, but still, thereís a part of me that feels like it wasnít fair that I was taken away. Almost like I was kidnapped from them.
I donít know really. Iím getting so many mixed emotions over the last week, I donít know what to feel anymore. I try to just sit back and think things out, but I get confused, angry, and upset. I find it hard to believe that I was born to be used simply as a sexual object, but Iím also having a hard time convincing myself that that hasnít been my only purpose in life anyway.
UmmmÖ I dunno why I write some of the stuff I do. I think Iím just thinking out loud or with my fingers.