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#227357 - 05/28/08 07:56 PM I'm thinking again! Ooops...Bad Idea
JasonSmalls Offline

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
Iím thinking that maybe I feel a little different from those who have had similar experiences because I was forced away from the environment. I didnít turn 18 and move away from the abuse willingly. I was 14, and was taken away from my mom and uncle by force and placed first, in a foster care facility for a few days, and later with my grandparents, who eventually adopted me.

Iím thinking that maybe part of me believes that I was robbed of being with my mother and uncle and I feel betrayed by them and the legal system that swore to protect me and other kids like me. Part of me is angry that I was taken from them to be honest. Yeah, I know how painful and crazy the stuff was while I was living with them, but still, thereís a part of me that feels like it wasnít fair that I was taken away. Almost like I was kidnapped from them.

I donít know really. Iím getting so many mixed emotions over the last week, I donít know what to feel anymore. I try to just sit back and think things out, but I get confused, angry, and upset. I find it hard to believe that I was born to be used simply as a sexual object, but Iím also having a hard time convincing myself that that hasnít been my only purpose in life anyway.

UmmmÖ I dunno why I write some of the stuff I do. I think Iím just thinking out loud or with my fingers.


#227362 - 05/28/08 08:15 PM Re: I'm thinking again! Ooops...Bad Idea [Re: JasonSmalls]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I have found it very theraputic to write stuff out here on the boards. Even if a times it did not make much sense to me, later when I go back and look I can see the evolution of my thoughts and it helps. You are doing good keep posting away. Maybe that light bulb will pop on at some point.

#227402 - 05/28/08 11:43 PM Re: I'm thinking again! Ooops...Bad Idea [Re: Freedom49]
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hi Joey,

No question being abused can create all kinds of confusion. Combine that with where you have been and it is not surprising you are feeling all kinds of things. Hopefully, you have had a chance to work with a therapist as we often need someone to help us sort out what happened to us vs who we are. I know that was very useful for me.

Don't try to handle this on your own because it is much bigger than you are. Lots of help here and hopefully, you will find lots of information and support here. The best to you.


#227484 - 05/29/08 03:35 AM Re: I'm thinking again! Ooops...Bad Idea [Re: Barney]
terpprm Offline

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Clifton Park, New York
here on this forum joey, you're permitted and encouraged to think out loud with your fingers.

My Story

#227502 - 05/29/08 04:32 AM Re: I'm thinking again! Ooops...Bad Idea [Re: terpprm]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
My Story
My Art


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