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#227335 - 05/28/08 05:10 PM He's frustrated
Marissa Offline

Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 69
Since that one day in T - DH has been unable to "feel" or accurately remember the CSA. He wants to get there again - I think to prove ot himself that it *is* real - and he can't seem to get there. I'm hoping the T can work with him on that.

Can you all suggest anything that helps you access those memories and feelings when you want to??

#227376 - 05/28/08 09:54 PM Re: He's frustrated [Re: Marissa]
honey girl Offline

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Most of the time, therapists are not in favor of forcing memories to resurface. There are generally good psychological defenses at work in keeping the memories only gradually accessible, and pressure to break down those protections can be painfully similar (metaphorically anyway) to the original abuse. I can understand wanting to forge ahead, but it's not as simple as it may seem at first.
Just my two cents.

I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

#227392 - 05/28/08 10:51 PM Re: He's frustrated [Re: honey girl]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2688
Loc: durham, north england
Marissa, having recently done unwise confrontation type things to myself, I can see Hg's point on this.

At the same time though, on the occasions when it's necessary for me to talk about it, quite often the most helpful thing for me is questions. i've quite often asked my T, ---- and a couple of times asked my friends to ask me some questions about the abuse or whatever else I want to considder but am having trouble getting out.

Questions are something I feel much more comfortable with than just with someone sitting there and listening like an open hole, questions help me focus my thoughts and let me know what I should be replying to, which is very good for staarting discusssions of some of the bad stuff, ----- though of course this falls down with some things which are so bad I physically can't talk about them, so it's by no means a fool proof method.

this has been my experience anyway, and I really hope it's helpful.

#227439 - 05/29/08 12:55 AM Re: He's frustrated [Re: dark empathy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey

Both HG and Dark empathy make good points. The only thing your husband can do is find out what works for him. That first "feeling" he had was probably very traumatic and hit him with a clarity he may not have been prepared for. His mind and body are not ready for him to go there again - not yet. The recuperation from such a memory is probably just as important as the talking about it when he's ready. He does know what happened and he knows it's a problem for him. He wants to deal with it, which is the best thing. Patience is something he has to learn as well. The defense mechanisms his has in place are not all conscious decisions.

ROCK ON........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.


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