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#225934 - 05/23/08 05:52 AM Stage Fright
Letourski Offline

Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
Hi again everyone,

I am going to put this bluntly. When I am in public washrooms I have difficulties going at all. The urinals intimidate me and if there happens to be someone around I will stand there until they leave. I have tried stalls and there are times when that has worked but for the most part I end up looking behind me. When I was 8 years old the perp encouraged me to urinate outside and he would glance at it and even try and touch it. That was the first time he made advances on me. I have tried focusing my brain on something else but that only helps a little bit. I cannot get over this fear of stage fright when going in public. This has followed me for as long as I can remember.


I am the warrior.

#225937 - 05/23/08 06:03 AM Re: Stage Fright [Re: Letourski]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Well... other than finding a building that has a single bathroom and toilet that you can lock that is a toughie. I am sure your T will have some suggestions for you to address this fear. This is the 8 yo that is having these feelings and giving them to you. I would suggest you sit down and write a letter to your 8 yo self reminding him you are an adult now and capable of protecting him against perps and he can trust you to watch out for you while you pee now.

If that doesn't work just pee sitting down in the stall. Who cares if your not going number 2 as long as you feel safe.

I hope this helps guy.

Edited by Freedom49 (05/23/08 06:03 AM)

#225940 - 05/23/08 06:08 AM Re: Stage Fright [Re: Freedom49]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I have a strategy for this, lol. "find the face in the wall", every wall has shapes and shadows and a face can be made with every nook and cranny. Concentrate on finding the face.

It works for me
Stay strong


#225943 - 05/23/08 07:31 AM Re: Stage Fright [Re: Freedom49]
Muldoon Offline

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Originally Posted By: Freedom49

If that doesn't work just pee sitting down in the stall. Who cares if your not going number 2 as long as you feel safe.

Roger that is the way I handle it.
Some would think of it as unmanly but no one knows I am just peeing


Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

#225961 - 05/23/08 11:46 AM Re: Stage Fright [Re: Muldoon]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2708
Loc: durham, north england
Me as well, and I always have to find one of the stalls which locks.

I remember one occasion a few years ago, in one of those combined public toilets and showers at a caravan site, where three chaps came in to have a shower while I was on the loo. I ended up physically sitting there locked in the stall until they'd finished and left, ----- even though the showers were the cubical kind, but if that's what you have to do, ---- fair enough as long as it works.

#226003 - 05/23/08 03:19 PM Re: Stage Fright [Re: dark empathy]
Paul1959 Offline

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Also, don't be too hard on yourself about this. Many, many non survivors have this identical problem. Docs call it bashful kidney syndrome. My male friends call it performance anxiety! It is certainly amplified for CSA guys, but it is so common among men that it is nothing to feel bad about. Have you noticed that there is hardly a sports stadium left standing which has the old style troughs for men to pee in? Most men simply will not and cannot use them. Tons of men use the stalls instead of the urinals. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You're OK.

#226006 - 05/23/08 03:29 PM Re: Stage Fright [Re: Paul1959]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I'm a stall man as well. I never use the standup urinals. It just cannot work. Although at home, I can raise the lid and stand. But in public, a urinal is simply not a possibility.


#226019 - 05/23/08 03:54 PM Re: Stage Fright [Re: EGL]
king tut Offline

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2488
Loc: UK
I wouldn't sit on a public toilet, i stand which seems the usual way to do it, and i use the stalls, unless nobody else is there in which case i don't mind using urinals, if other people are there i just cant go in the urinals it just wont happen. LOTS of people hate using urinals, it's normal not to want another man with his thing out next to you. I remember the days when we were little when my brothers and i and my grandfather used to have competitions in those long high urinals to see who could shoot the highest lol, hmm, sounds dodgy now but it was just a bit of fun at the time, weird how things change so much


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