Newest Members
mmm coffee, Calibre09, FallGuy2154, Whoamitoday, Joe4618
13527 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
arty (49), atari_kid86 (31), ava_adore (31), babs (66), bkeithb (52), shylo (37), si (25), universe (36)
Who's Online
5 registered (iaccus, UniversalBeing, FallGuy2154, SDD757, 1 invisible), 78 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,527 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,373 Topics
491,437 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#225697 - 05/22/08 05:19 AM Parents response - may trigger
NWcats Offline

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Here's the response I got from my parents after the state turned down my abusing brother's adoption. This happened after I called DSS and told them to consider my perp's history.
This is a difficult e-mail and it demonstrates their denial - raging denial. I share it for a couple of reasons.
1. I'd like to support in laughing at this. It's so absurd.
2. I hope others can see how deep denial can be in their families. This shit is real and deep.
3. I'll need help in walking away from this. It's not as bad as I thought, but it's awful nonetheless. My job, and you can help, is to walk tall, take care of my self and my inner child, and get love and support from brothers like all of you.
For context, Danny was the boy my brother, Ben, was trying to adopt.


Here's the email:

Jackson -

Danny won our hearts. We fell in love with him. He ran “super fast” down the stretch of our beach. His new green bike was “super cool”. He snuggled with me on the living room couch. In a short period of time, he gave us so much joy. Rather than “welcoming a child with open hearts and love”, you double-crossed Ben and abused our trust. You have not protected a child; you have hurt Danny. You have deprived him of the loving and secure home that we were looking forward to giving him.

Unlike Danny, you had choices. You made decisions and acted. Your failure to engage us in your decisions shows disdain for us and for the value of family. Your behavior is perceived by us as angry, thoughtless, and vindictive. As a result of your decisions and actions, you have alienated yourself from us and abandoned our family.

Is this the “recovery process” you told us in February that you were pursuing? To us it has taken the form of a selfish act of vengeance; Danny is the victim.

We told you that there was nothing you could do to make us stop loving you. This will always be true, but we need not agree with or condone your actions. “Hate the sin, not the sinner.”

At the point that you can deal with feelings other than your own, perhaps we can reconsider next steps in reconciling with you.

M & D

Edited by NWcats (05/22/08 05:20 AM)
*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
Ask me about both!

#225698 - 05/22/08 05:26 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: NWcats]
grover Offline

Registered: 05/29/07
Posts: 50
Loc: Tennessee
I'll join in with a rousing WTF!?!?!?!?

Shocking revelations, we are all deeply effected.
-the Waitresses "Wise up"

#225700 - 05/22/08 05:35 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: NWcats]
Barkabus Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Wow Jackson, this is pretty serious stuff. Once again here is an example of how the offender is framed as the victim and the REAL victim is painted as the offender! I'm so sorry that your family has pitted themselves against you. How alienating is that???


My Story

#225702 - 05/22/08 06:53 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: Barkabus]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
After reading this email, I can't help but feel anger (bordering on rage) toward your parents . How dare they talk to you like that! Unfortunately, they just don't have a clue and it doesn't appear like they even want one!

Would you consider purchasing a copy of "Victim's No Longer" by Mike Lew, and giving it to your parents? Tell them that after they read the book, you are pretty confident that you will "be at a point where you could deal with feelings other than your own"! I should buy a copy for my mother!

Recovery is Possible!

#225705 - 05/22/08 08:13 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: Brian]
stefalc1 Offline

Registered: 04/30/08
Posts: 41
Loc: london, uk
lucky escape for the boy , even if he wasn`t going to be abused sexualy, what the hell would he learn from this .hope the parents wake up and smell the air .
you did the right thing

#225717 - 05/22/08 12:17 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: stefalc1]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
Yep, this is denial alright, major denial. Maybe they are mad at you for making them start to see the truth. As Ben claimed this was normal, maybe Mom and Dad thought Jackson is just blowing this out of proportion and is getting bad advice. Now that DSS says that these "normal" experiences are cause for concern, they now are starting to see maybe your right. But they couldn't have raised a sex offender they are too good of parents for that. It also seems like they are mad because they wanted to adopt a grandson and now thats not happening as well.


"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#225723 - 05/22/08 12:50 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: onlyakid]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
Wow, Yes, that pissed me off. If I had their phone number I would have been dialing before I finished reading to give them an earful. How completely and totally ignorant. They are in complete denial and it's ignorant denial to boot.

Regardless of their opinion (which although they say everyone is entitled, and their's is 100% wrong and a load of BS) you did the right thing, and you protected that child. He might have felt loved for awhile, but when his new dad started new things..... the safety and goodness for him would have been destroyed. While I know it's possible to say that maybe it wouldn't have happened to him, the fact that your brother things it's "normal" tells me a completely different story.

That up there is some seriously evil shit.

#225726 - 05/22/08 12:59 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: JustScott]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Man, that was....geez, I don't even know how to describe it. Umm.... shitty? That's the only word I can think of right now. They sound a lot like my parents, though. Total denial.

Jackson, they simply don't have a clue. Not one fucking clue. The fact that things didn't work out the way they wanted shows an enormous amount of selfishness on their part, a total disregard for the emotional well being of you, and complete misunderstanding of what the concept of "family" is supposed to be like. In short, saying they are "dysfunctional" is an understatement.

You DID do the right thing, Jackson. Please keep that in mind. You did.


#225731 - 05/22/08 01:10 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: JustScott]
arronb Offline

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Jackson ...

That hateful piece of garbage is so laughable that it deserves
only one response ... hit the delete button.
Of course I would have replied and torn each and everyone of their sentences apart,
pointing out how totally inappropraite and ignorant they had been.

The fact that they have so little respect for you is evident, they couldn't even give you the decency of saying that tripe
to your face, they sent it in an email !!! How very crude of
them ... parents my ass.

Walking away from family is hard, but when they give you no
option like this ... walk tall and walk fast ...

You did the right thing ... never doubt it \:\)

Keep Smilin'

#225733 - 05/22/08 01:11 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: EGL]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

I am so very sorry this happened. You took the steps you could to protect a child. That can never be a wrong thing. I'm just sorry it is your parents who are so offended by it.

Grover is right. "WTF?"

You have courage, integrity, compassion, and more. Be proud of that, My Friend.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.