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#223675 - 05/11/08 11:41 AM Family visit
Grunty1967b Offline

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 861
Loc: Australia
I went to see my parents today. Iím normally very anxious when I see them and today was the same. I felt I had to go however as itís Motherís Day and itís kind of expected that I send a greeting card or visit in person.

Itís always a tense environment at my folks home with my mom always being verbally aggressive towards my father. That in itself is a source of distress for me. I certainly had my fill of that growing up under their roof.

What added to my state of mild depression today was that she kept telling me what my perp brother was up to. She knows he and I donít get along or see each other. I want nothing to do with him nor do I care what he does but she kept on giving me updates. I donít think it was to make me jealous Ė she was just pleased to share some news; news I didnít want to know.

She has no idea (that sheís ever voiced) that he abused me all those years but still she should know by know I donít really want to talk about him. She then went on about his now almost adult children and what theyíre up to. Again, I didnít really want to know.

Iím unsure what made me so upset other than hearing more news about him than I wanted to. Perhaps it was also hearing about his kids. It got me thinking, was he abusing them too? Did they end up having a Ďnormalí upbringing without being abused? I know I didnít and the thought that perhaps they did (and for their sake I hope they did) made me even more sad.

On top of that, my mother was telling me of her medial woes, which realistically are quite severe. She has major osteoporosis and has vertebraeís that are crumbling Ė threatening to sever nerves in her spine and neck. All that was also distressing.

I was then meant to see my wifeís mother and the other children for her side of the familiesí Motherís Day get together but by the time I got back from my folks I was too upset. At least I had the wisdom and courage to say I couldnít go. My wife was understanding and allowed me my space.

Basically, todayís visit knocked me around a lot. I just wanted to try and let this all out and try and make sense of it. Thanks for reading.

#223690 - 05/11/08 02:04 PM Re: Family visit [Re: Grunty1967b]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
When I have to endure hearing about my perpetrator all the time I feel like you do. It's depressing and triggering and pisses me off.

If you're right and 'she should know by now you don't want to hear about him' then something is amiss. Either she really doesn't know and needs reminding, or she is doing it knowing it hurts.

I say this because sometimes I get that from my Mother regarding my perpetrator and it's a cruel habit that needs to stop. I remind and remind and remind...

Edited by hogan_dawg (05/11/08 02:04 PM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

#223701 - 05/11/08 03:32 PM Re: Family visit [Re: hogan_dawg]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Bruce,

I hear you on this one, man. I get to feeling the same way when I go over to my parents' house on "duty days" such as Mother's Day, etc. I dread going. My parents don't know about the abuse from my brother, either, although they do know that he had an affair with my first wife. And the do know that I'm not on good terms the last few years with him, so luckily they don't raise his name around me. I think they want to somehow "normalize" our relationship by pretending he doesn't exist around me.

I'm glad for your and my sake that we onlly have to make these kind of visits a few times of year. I just try to focus on the people who really DO mean a lot in my life during these times. It makes having to deal with the toxic people easier.



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