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#22364 - 10/13/03 09:28 PM A word to those wanting to give up
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Lately, I've been seeing a lot of references to suicide and depression here, which is normal considering what we've all survived. I would like to take a minute, however, to tell you just how important it is to resist this.

I am not "preaching from on high" when I say this. I came close to killing myself, nearly hanging myself in a men's room stall. I was in the midst of a serious depression and saw no way out of it. I felt I was a drain on others. I felt that there was no end to the sadness except hell, which seemed so minisule, compared to what I was suffering here. Hell actually would have been a release at that point.

Then, I saw the others I'd leave behind. There were people who loved me and I loved them back. To die in a men's room stall, with no note, no message, nothing, seemed like such a cheap legacy to leave them. That, and the questions. Why did he do it? Was I responsible? How could he do that to me? Couldn't he hang on for just a second? Couldn't he talk to me? Why couldn't I help him.

It was a painfully stupid, selfish act, and to do that would make my whole life up until then a waste. I chose to live. It hasn't been easy since, but anything was better than doing that to my loved ones.

It also would've cheated some people of the help and service I gave them since. I don't mean to make myself sound like Christ on Earth, but there have been many people who needed me and I was able to give them the help, the tools, the courage to go on, to succeed. I've been blessed by them. They have given me so much, and I would've robbed them of what I could give them.

There are people in your lives who need that too, my brothers (and sisters!...:-)). People need you to give them hope, to make them walk tall, to supply them with the strength to go on and what they need to go further in life. Don't choose to take that away from them. Don't take yourself away from people who need you and love you.

Choose life. You will be rewarded for it.

Please find someone to help you if you feel the need to give up, to give in. You don't have to feel that way. There's always hope, even if you can't see it right now.

I didn't mean to rant on like this, but please, I have seen what legacies this can leave behind, and the miracles that can happen when you decide to go on. It will get easier, my friends.

Walk on, my brothers and sisters. Choose life.

Choose life.

Choose life.

I love you. Peace.

Scot \:D

There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#22365 - 10/13/03 09:46 PM Re: A word to those wanting to give up
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
All so true Scot.

And one other thing. If we succumb to it the perps win forever and I will not let that happen.



#22366 - 10/13/03 10:58 PM Re: A word to those wanting to give up
Sinking Offline

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
While it's been a long, long time since I considered taking the 'long walk home', I know of what you speak. I'm happy to see you here today Scot, feeling good and offering inspiration for others.
It's often difficult to know that we can and will come out of this son the other end. While I am only at the beginning of taking this on full force, it's that one most important step that will take me through to the end. I'm sure there will be bumps and roadblocks along the way...some put there by me, some put there by others and some circumstantial. But there is a start and there is an end. We all just have to realize we've crossed the start line. It doesn't matter how long it takes to get us to the finish, as long as we keep prodding along, avoiding the bumps as much as possible, letting others lean on us and, most importantly for me, allowing others to hold us up when we need someone to lean on. Thanks for being here Scot and everyone else who offer their support and encouragement unconditionally.

#22367 - 10/15/03 12:05 AM Re: A word to those wanting to give up
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Thank you for that, it's heartfelt and true.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#22368 - 10/19/03 09:45 AM Re: A word to those wanting to give up
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here


Thank you for this. As someone who has attempted to give up before, and someone who attempted just last week, I appreciate your words of encouragement.

I do not know that this is best thing to say. But it is how I am feeling right now. I have before done some things to harm myself to possible point of death, and back off of it some. I have done lot to harm myself to lesser amount. But last week, it is closest I feel I come to it. I cut myself rather deep, and knowing that asprin can make you bleed more, took what was left in bottle of asprin. Then, because I know I am allergic of Tylenol, I took those also, most a bottle of that before starting to get sick and throw things back up. And I could feel my skin start to get rash and blisters, and feel my throat and eyes start swelling up, and maybe it take me closer to death. Maybe that is it, maybe it scare me enough to make me decide finally if that is what I want. Because at that time, I could have died as easily as lived, maybe more easily. Just not call for any help and lie down to sleep. So easy. And I could not do that. So called friend for help, started making myself throw up pills and taking benadryl to try to stop allergic reaction. I think that is first time I make active effort to save myself after any attempt to do something so bad at myself. And maybe that is what I needed to turn myself around on all this. Because now I know it, no matter what else I have to deal of, no matter what memories cause such sh*t for me, no matter what else may still be not uncovered, I do NOT want to die, I do NOT want to let them win. Not now, not ever.

Sorry if this is not right to say, it is just how I felt of this.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#22369 - 10/19/03 10:49 PM Re: A word to those wanting to give up
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I will always think that none of us really want to die. But we do want the pain to stop. It is possible for the pain to lessen--I know that from experience. I am not sure that it ever stops completely.

Suicide really is a rather selfish thing. It is hard to say that, because when one attempts it they see it as a good and a true freedom. But the fact is that it hurts anyone who truly loved us, and we can't say that we are really sorry for that, when we are gone. Notes don't really help that much. In fact, they have usually made me hurt all the more.

Leosha, I am happy that you are convinced that you will never do that again. You are choosing life, even though that means times when life seems to be not at all a good thing.

Men, we need to let each other know when we are really hurting. We may even need to let us know that all seems hopeless. The guys here always come through. We are not counselors--but we sure are good friends. Sometime, someone to listen to is very healing, or it just makes me feel so different after a talk.

It seems to me that there are always guys on the boards. They will always respond, even if only to let us know that they can't do much more than listen. But they are there and they want to help. That can feel really good.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#444640 - 08/19/13 02:44 AM Re: A word to those wanting to give up [Re: crisispoint]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/30/12
Posts: 766

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak


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