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#222766 - 05/06/08 12:17 PM internet porn?
Marissa Offline

Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 69
So - I have been reading here and see that internet porn is mentioned as a form of "acting out" for victims of CSA.

We had issues with this - I just thought it was a "guy thing" - no?

He was looking at porn - I caught him - was horribly wounded (I was still in the throws of my eating disorder and body hatred at the time, so it was devastating). He promised never to do it again, blah, blha, blah. That didn't last - he did it again, promised not to, etc, did it AGAIN - I htink that was the last time.... Then when I was out of town one weekend he rented porn with a friend - I found the receipt - again - apologized for betraying my trust and so on.

Since then I have worked through my own issues with the porn - I don't feel threatened by it anymore, and he does like to watch it - but we don't do it too often - it really isn't my cup of tea, so to speak.

Back to my original question - don't sopme guys just like internet porn without it being related to CSA? Is porn (videos or mags) detrimental to recovering from CSA?

I guess a need a LOT more info about all of this...

#222773 - 05/06/08 12:32 PM Re: internet porn? [Re: Marissa]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
See if this article makes sense for you or him:


Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#222817 - 05/06/08 03:50 PM Re: internet porn? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Marissa Offline

Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 69
Thanks for the article - I had to wait until I had some time to read it.

I definitely recognize the cycle in myself in relation to my eating disorder - I've been on the recovery road for several years now, so am pretty far along in the process and have a great support network on another website.

As for DH - well - I recognized too much TV watching and video games - we both play those tho' - it's an avoidance technique so we don't have to consider navigating the sharky waters of sex.

BUT - his primary anxiety relief tool is sex - odd becasue sex is a very anxiety provoking activity for him which involves a lot of self talk (on his part, obviouisly) about how inadequate he is which then creates more anxiety, and so on.

I hope someday he will be able to see it.

He just moves through life completely unaware - I used to do the same thing - it's so much better like this (aware), but so hard to live with someone who is so detached from existence beyond the surface activities of every day life.

THanks again. I appreciate it.

#222924 - 05/07/08 12:33 AM Re: internet porn? [Re: Marissa]
jcf1957 Offline

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I'm not a C.S.A. victim so I can't answer your question directly.
However; as for me being gang-raped by two men and a woman and now being over fifty I have no desire or place for a woman in my life. Sexuality has no appeal in my life either. I maintain that I am in fact a heterosexual who has adopted an asexual element into my present life. Is this because of the brutal horrors of my past that are forever etched into my mind ? Perhaps it is even though it's difficult to articulate. As for Internet porn ? I personally find it disgusting and demeaning to both women and men alike. I would disagree that porn is strictly a guy thing although statistically guys are more likely to delve into these kind of primitive appetites of the flesh. But really; how bored does one have to get with this kind of mundane crap.
When I was in my mid to late teens and early twenties I did buy the odd adult magazine. But really in the end it all got quite boring until I started dating young women. The Internet didn't exist back then. I suppose like alcohol and drugs for some, pornography can become a hang-up for some. It doesn't do anything for me. While I can't speak for others on this site; and unless I'm just plain naive, I would suspect there are more guys on this site who really ("don't") have any interest in porn. Not sure if this has helped in your query but these are only my personal thoughts.
I wish you luck finding more answers. Kind Regards; Chris

Edited by jcf1957 (05/07/08 01:06 AM)
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.


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