NOTE: Please forgive my rather direct assertions here. I'm greatly speaking from my own direct experience.
Will he ever come around? This man is SO intelligent it just blows my mind that he is unable to see the relationship between this event and all the crap going on in our relationship....do they get there???
He may...he may not. I was 46 when I disclosed the abuse and finally dealt with it an a healthy manner. I think one good sign is that he cried...he may have cried for the girl....but he was crying about the same incendent. He cried because he could not help her. He may even know he's crying for the little boy too...but he has to dive back behind that wall before things get too real. Another good sign is that he even told you about this. I did not tell my wife until year 14 of our marriage. He trusts you! Very good sign!
So "do we get there?" Maybe...hopefully....but it will not be one minute before he's ready. I'll say it again because its a true factor of what you and he are dealing with: it will not be one lousy minute before he's ready.
You can't force it...you cant coerce it...you cant move it forward as something that needs to be dealt with.
You say he's intelligent. Yeah...many of us are. Many of are hyper-educated. We have PhDs, MBAs, teachers, Doctors, Lawyers...we got everything here. Its got nothing to do with he reluctance/refusal to deal with this in a healthy way.
And BTW...he IS
dealing with it. We all deal with it in some manner every day. He choses his wall..or denial..or whatever...His wall has gotten him this far in life. He (and I) see it that way. To risk de-construction of the wall would be to risk examination of a real-life nightmare so hiddeous and sad that we fear it may kill us or ruin what life we've been able to build.
For me, it was an emotional wall, denial, drugs and alcohol, worldy achievement, competition, etc. My story of what led me to finally disclose and deal with it will be in the next MS Newsletter. But I dont think it will do either of you any good. If he's not ready, he's not ready.
I would however suggest you make it clear to him that you'll be there for him and with him if he choses to take this issue head-on. And we'll be here for him (and you) too.
If he does show any sign of being willing to examine how the assault could influence his life, let us know. We all know of resources that can help make things clear for him...or at least stimulate and structure a new view for him.