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#222189 - 05/02/08 09:54 PM Tryin to figure it all out
Arturo DeLacroix Offline

Registered: 05/02/08
Posts: 2
Loc: Ohio
I was abused as a child, a lot. I just passed my 30th birthday and I can't let go. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. The person who abused me was a family member who has 3 children of his own now. Because I was so young when it happened and the parent who was made aware did nothing to stop it while the other remained oblivious there were no consequences for the perpetrator. I fear for the children but the government says oh well with no documented evidence. I want to believe that this person has not and will not do this to his children, but he did it to his brother so how can I be sure. I know if something were to happen I would bear a lot of guilt. I want to blame youthful indiscretions even though he was in high school when I was in grade school. He knew better. I know I'm rambling but I don't even know how to begin. I write a lot about this all and it affects my relationships tremendously 20+ years later. I have never kept a therapist long enough to get any in depth help with this. I could use so guidance in finding help. Im tired of wallowing.

#222192 - 05/02/08 10:22 PM Re: Tryin to figure it all out [Re: Arturo DeLacroix]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Welcome to Male survivor. You will find a lot of help and great suggestions for you here.

If your really fed up as a lot of us are with having this abuse stuff mess up your life I would look for a good therapist that specialized in CSA and SA. You were definately abused and you are suffering the effects in your relationships and your self esteme. This is not uncommon.

I am sorry about this family "friend" and I am also concerned about him abusing his kids. The government agencys are correct though, in that if no charges were ever filed against him before they have no reasonable cause to investigate unless something else happens. Right now it is probably your word against his unless you can find another kid he abused. It is rare that a perp will only do it one time.

You have taken a big first step Artero in talking about it here and that can only help. Keep talking, find a Therapist and get on with your life. This is fixable. You are not alone and it was definately not your fault.

#222396 - 05/04/08 11:10 AM Re: Tryin to figure it all out [Re: Freedom49]
stefalc1 Offline

Registered: 04/30/08
Posts: 41
Loc: london, uk
so many similar stories , i was abused by a family friend and i thought i buried it , but your right it comes back in different forms sometimes not realising it is there connected to what happened ,especially when it comes to relationships, only now 24 yrs on am i starting to understand .the sad thing is it becomes our own world and one we have to live in but unless we try to get stronger they are still beating us , i found letting everything out to my gf helped , we all have our different ways , if you felt T helped don`t give up .
i found telling the whole story on here helped too as it was a pressure release and i didn`t live in fear and loneliness of not being able to talk to anyone or fearing they would`nt talk to me again or judge me . it` s amazing what we can all do for each other.

#222402 - 05/04/08 12:28 PM Re: Tryin to figure it all out [Re: stefalc1]
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hi Arturo,

Let me add my "welcome" to the others and our collective support for you. You've asked for help in locating a therapist. Please go the homepage, look at the tabs on the left side of the page and click on the one that says "survivor". It will show you a half dozen options one of which is "find a therapist". Click on that and it will show a page of location options. The very first option is to enter a US state or Canadian province. Click on Ohio and it will show you four names. If you don't live close to the two cities shown then click on "Howard Fradkin" and contact him for a name in your area.

I hope this is helpful. And do it right away so the voices of the past don't keep you in pain any longer. If you need additional assistance feel free to PM me.



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