So this is the story that I've been hiding from for the past quarter century. This is fairly long. I've been working through writing it down for awhile. I've looked through it and found times when I could edit it like a story that happened to someone else.

I was 12 and I hung around with 2 brothers. One was my age (E), the other was 3-4 years older (G).

One day when G and I were at his house alone, he started talking about girls. Being a young male I was interested. He asked if I had ever seen a naked woman. Well, I hadn't, other than seeing my mother on occasion. He pulled out a magazine and showed me the pictures there of naked women. We looked at them for awhile, and I started to feel the first real twinges of sexual feeling.

After this it was awhile before we were alone together again. He asked if I had enjoyed seeing more pictures. I agreed, and he pulled out a magazine with pictures of men and women having sex. After looking at it for awhile, he asked what I thought of the people in the pictures. I said that I liked the pictures of the women and thought that I hadn't thought that a man could be so large and that it would stick out quite that way. He said that was normal, and asked if I didn't get that way. At that time I was very underdeveloped (under 70 pounds, short, and hadn't hit puberty yet). I was embarassed, but I said no.

At that point he said that maybe I was too young to be looking at pictures like that. I disagreed (of course) and said that I was old enough. He told me that he didn't think he should show me any more unless he could see that I was ready enough for them. I resisted, but he kept pushing. He told me that I didn't need to be as ready as he was, but he needed to see. I asked how ready he was and he pulled out his penis. Compared to mine it was huge. I was scared, but fascinated by seeing him there live and erect. I was even more embarassed about how immature I was. He told me that he used to be much smaller, and that he could help, if I would show him. So I took down my pants showing what was there. He looked me over, and said that I was probably a little young. If I didn't have pubic hair or get hard when seeing a picture of a naked woman; then maybe I shouldn't see these things. And if I did get hard, I wouldn't be long enough to do anything with it. He didn't know if I'd grow big enough, because he had never been "that" small. After awhile of talking like this, he said that he could try to help me.

He first tried to get me to rub my penis erect. After a little while he said that I wasn't doing it right, so he reached over and started fondeling me. Then he told me that I should feel what a penis should really feel like, and pulled my hand over to stroke him. This went on for awhile, until it was near time for his parents to get back. He said that any normal male should be able to get an erection. But, he said that he'd help me with my problem. But we needed to keep it quiet so that others wouldn't make fun of me.

The next step happened when he said that maybe something more was needed. I asked what he meant. He showed me a picture of a woman sucking on a man. He said that it felt really good, that he'd had a woman do it on him. Of course no woman would be interested in something as small as I was. I became worried because this sounded an awful lot like homosexuality which in my world view at the time was a bad thing. He explained that he was just helping me, so it was different. He kept pushing, and eventually I let him. He sucked on me for awhile, and it felt good, I'd never felt pleasure like that.

After awhile he suggested that I close my eyes and think about the pictures in the magazines. I did, but after awhile he said it still wasn't working. He suggested that I think about a naked woman that I had actually seen. Since my mother was the only one that I had seen, there wasn't much choice. I told him that I didn't want to do that. Of course trying not to think f purple elephants, I thought of purple elephants. I started to stop things when he told me to open my eyes, that it had worked. When I looked down, I had the first real erection that I had had. I paniced and the erection went away. He asked whether I wanted to do things to my mother like in the magazines. I said that I didn't, and he said that my erection said that I did. I disagreed for awhile, and then he said that maybe I could find something else to give me an erection. And maybe if I did other things I would get rid of any sexual feelings towards my mother.

He suggested that I suck on him. I resisted because that was homosexuality. He pushed and asked whether it would be worse sucking him, or everyone knowing that I wanted to have sex with my mother. After awhile he convinced me to sick on him. I sucked listening to him moaning. As it got louder, I got worried, I didn't want him to ejaculate in my mouth. I stopped and told him that and he said that I ought to do it. He had done so much for me, and he was keeping my secrets. We finally agreed that I could finish him off by hand. So I countinued until he told me to stroke him hard. Soon he ejaculated, I was surprised by how much there was. After that he congratulated me on having finished up something sexual. And he told me that he'd teach me more later, and keep quiet about my mother. He also said that some people wouldn't understand. That I had to keep what we did a secret or people who didn't understand how he was helping me would think I was gay. And he pointed out the only defense would be to tell them about my erection for my mother. Neither would be good.

After this I thought about things. I was petrified that maybe he was right abut my mother. I was also aware of the fact that it felt very good when he sucked me. I also felt something holding his penis. Interest, novelty, I didn't know. I was scared that others would find out what we did. I was ashamed of my body for not acting right. I was ashamed that I had had an erection around the time of thinking of my mother. I was ashamed that I wouldn't be up to being normal.

A couple more times we got together and he sucked me. He pushed me to suck him until he came in my mouth, but I resisted, and he always relented to let me stroke him the last part of the way. One time he stated that I seemed to have a harder erection and be a little longer this time. I wasn't sure, so he said that we should make sure. He told me to lie back and let him make sure that I was good and hard. My body was trembling and my eyes were closed with the feeling of what he was doing when he stopped the next thing I knew there was a flash as he took a Polaroid of me naked and erect on his bed. Then he was sucking on me again. I didn't know what to think. He stopped a little while later and showed me the picture that he had taken. He told me that we could compare it to one later and see how I was progressing. I was very scared by the picture. There was proof that I had been sexual in his bed, and of how small I was. After awhile he got me to suck him, and then there was a flash again. Now there was a picture of me sucking him. I got scared and it tok him awhile to calm me down. He promised that he would keep my secrets safe. He then told me he'd like to take another picture. He pulled out a pair of girl panties and told me to put them on. I refused and he pointed out that he had been helping me. And that I had been being a woman, since I was bringing him to orgasm. He wasn't doing that since I wasn't orgasming. After a lot of pushing he finally got me into them and took a couple of pictures. I was holding them up as they were too big, but he told showed me the pictures afterwards and he said that with the panties on I looked just like one of the women in the pictures, I was so small still that you couldn't see anything through the panties. He stated that maybe I was closer to being a woman.

After this I avoided him for awhile. I was scared, but he kept calling. I was worried that maybe he was right. Maybe I would never be big enough to to the male role in sex. Maybe the fact that I was getting erections around him meant I was gay. I didn't know what to think.

Eventually we got together again. Things happened as before a couple times. Then one day I came over and he had gotten a bttle of alchohol. He offered me some but I didn't like the taste. After a bit he pulled out the camera and said that it was time to take some more pictures. I asked why we could just compare the pictures to me in real-life. He explained that it would be easier this way. So he tool more pictures. Then he started asking me what I thought of what some of the models in the magazines wore. I thought they looked nice in their lingerie. He pulled something out and told me that it was a piece of his mothers that he pulled out of the clean laundry. He had me put it on, although it didn't fit. But he had me bunch it up and pull it taut acorss my body. SOon he had nude and lingerie pictures of me.

He pulled out the old photos and compared them. It loked like I was a little bigger. Then he pulled out some more photos, of another erect penis. Not G's or mine. He said that this was someone else that he was helping. He said that he'd shown the pics that didn't have my face to the other boy. I was scared that things would come out. He pointed out that we were both in the same situation. Maybe we should all 3 get together and see if 2 guys could make faster progress on me. I was really scared and tried to get away. He blocked the door, and told me we should talk. After awhile he told me that he wouldn't show the pictures to anyone else, if I did something for him.

He told me that I was good at sucking him and stroking him. But that now he'd like to do more. When he told me that he wanted to take me like a woman, I was scared. I told him that I didn't have the right parts. He pointed out that sometimes women used the other hole as well. I was scared. I didn't want anyone to see the pictures. But he was so big, I didn't know how he could fit inside me. He also said that this was my chance to be part of really having sex. It was a chance for someone to really find my sexually pleasing. And it might be the only way. He pushed and pushed. Part of me felt turned on that someone actually thought that my body might be sexually pleasing.

Eventually I said that we could try, but I didn't know if it would work. He got out some vaseline and spread it on his penis. Then he had me lie down. Soon he pressed up against me. It hurt but he kept pushing. I told him it hurt and he told me that I should just take it. Finally it felt like he slid a little inside me, but not far. I asked him to stop. He kept pushing. I pled with him to stop. Eventually he did, and rolled me onto my back. He wiped off his penis and told me to suck it. I did and he kept talking about how he'd have to train me to take it better. Soon he was shaking and then pushing my head down onto him. Then there has an odd taste in my mouth and something him my throat. I gagged he kept telling me to keep sucking. Then he rolled over.

I got out, and never saw him again. He called, but I avoided him.