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#2210 - 10/06/05 06:48 PM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
lacansletter Offline

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 70
Loc: St.Petersburg, FL
REading the replies on this posting makes me very sad. There is a little boy in every one of us. has anyone ready "Victims No More"? be forewarned that this is a very difficult book to read. I was in my early recovery (about 2 mos) and my therapist asked me to put it down. It was basically retraumatizing me. I am now about 11mos into recovery and thinking about picking it back up again but afraid of the strong emotions it unleashes.

I digress. The main idea that I got out of it is that there is a little [lacansletter] that lived through this but is "stuck" in that age because of the trauma. Weep for him, grieve his loss of innocence. But do not pity him. Honor him for he was strong enough to continue with life, truly was the child that was father to the man. There is a little boy in every one of us that we must nurture for he still has the perception of a 12 y/o who sees life as dangerous. If you were SA'ed by a family member or , like me, a respected member of the clergy, home was not even safe. I feel a horrible and painful empathy for that little boy. But I want to thank him for the man I have become. For grasping life regardless of the hurt, otherwise I would not have the love I have today.

"The only Zen you find on the mountain top is the Zen that you bring with you" Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

#2211 - 10/07/05 10:08 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
subdeacon Offline

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
My abuse ended when I was about 9 or 10 (I can remember back to age 6 for the abuse to start), so my brother would have been 12 or 13 when it ended. Weird, I just realized he stopped when I reached the age he was when it started. That's probably significant(maybe he was 6 when/if he was abused). I'll have to think on that. Anyway, the point is that when he started at age 9 he was using all the classic lures and tricks to get me to do things. He had to have learned them and simply parroted them back, having had them used on himself (I even am pretty sure who did the abuse on him. It was a neighbor down the street). My brother is dead now and died before I was able to make sense of what had happened (I was 12 when he died). Kids who abuse other kids had to have learned it from somewhere. It's not something that just pops into their heads full grown and with effective luring techniques fully developed; so even a 15 year old who abuses a 12 year old is probably not working on a 15 year old level mentally. A 12 year old is not emotionally an adult who can make informed decisions. If they were we'd let them drive and vote and drink. If someone's not emotionally and physically up to driving a stinkin' car they surely aren't up to navigating the complexities of sexual relations no matter how savvy they appear. Their brains aren't even finished developing, from what I understand. Don't worry. Put those worries to rest.

"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

#2212 - 10/09/05 08:30 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
Don-NY Offline

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY

I really like what you had to say, especially this part:
I feel a horrible and painful empathy for that little boy. But I want to thank him for the man I have become. For grasping life regardless of the hurt, otherwise I would not have the love I have today.
I also wanted to say that "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" is one of my favorites. It had a profound positive impact on me at a very difficult time in my life. I'd recommend that book for anyone.

If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

#2213 - 10/10/05 04:03 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
This may trigger, but I feel that many people on this post are missing a glaring point!


Everyone has stated more or less what they did/didn't know at 12 years old.

My major problem (based upon the original post) is that the program "The War at Home" unnecessarily sexualises children. It indicates that a 13 year old boy is a chronic masturbator (yes I suppose many are). It then indicates that he wants to 'spill his milk' on his girlfriends mothers breasts (am I interpreting this wrong?).

There are enough stories around, or that could be made up to purely involve adults - why is it necessary for>
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#2214 - 10/10/05 06:27 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
Re: The sister's boyfriends mother
It was more of a can't go into the bathroom and masturbate after the dinner after a sexually suggestive situation comes by and that frustrates him. Not that he wanted to have sex with her.

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

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