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#220699 - 04/26/08 07:07 PM Re: Guy Love!!!! [Re: Calanthe]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
You know, in all seriousness, I have seen guys in college and even high school who were really close friends. Straight guys for sure, but had such a closeness and were so comfortable together that I just ached watching them interact.

I have seen it on occasion in men trough out my life although it seems very rare from what I can tell. I was always jealous of that. To have that kind of connection to another guy and not be worried about being sexual. So comfortable that if you saw each other naked it would not even be worth commenting on.

Maybe some day when I am a little more together in my head.
Then again I may be so fk'd up that I could never go there with another male no matter how close we were. Sigh............

Edited by Freedom49 (04/26/08 07:11 PM)

#220736 - 04/26/08 10:11 PM Re: Guy Love!!!! [Re: Freedom49]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California

Thanks for your comments. In all seriousness I have seen this as well and it is rare. But there are a group of men; straight, gay, bi or whatever that emotionally connect to with other men. I watched this all my life. Point is just because you are Gay does not mean you will emotionally connect to men and by the same token just because you are straight does not mean you will emotionally connect with women. It just doesn’t work that way which causes some interesting dynamics in and of its self.

Another serious note on “Guy Love”; I got to have a relationship like this that lasted from High School to when I came out, almost 12 years in total. It wasn’t just my coming out that ended the relationship, we had grown apart by then too, it happens. But for the first 5-6 years we were so close it was hard to believe. You couldn’t be in the same room with us and not feel the connection and it was non-sexual or should I say we were not sexual. He was the first person I ever told I was gay, actually I think what I said was that I had a problem with homosexuality but what the hay I was 17 and he was 16 and I was laying the ground rules and didn’t want him to run when he found out my deep dark secrets. But it was just part of the ground rules. We were pretty respectful of each others physical boundaries for lots of reasons but it was never anything that got in the way or that we had to talk about. We were just who we were to each other and we loved each other and knew it. I would have done anything for him and him for me.

Roger, I don’t know if you need feel like you are too f#%ked up for a relationship like this. I mean one of the reasons our relationship worked was due to my lake of sexual maturity and the fact that my emotional and sexual life were not integrated. You see today for me to have an intense emotional connection to a man, the way I was connected to this man and to not express that feeling on a physical leave would be extremely unhealthy and painful. I mean he and I really were closer to each other than anybody else. I eclipsed all his exciting relationship. His girl friend even broke up with him over me because she couldn’t be as emotionally close to him as I was. It wasn’t even a contest. I just had part of him (and vice versa) that no one else could touch.

It was an amazing relationship and I am grateful I got to experience it. Having this relationship altered the course of my life. I am glad to see that they are making some acknowledgements (even if it is a joke) for deep emotional non-sexual connects between men. Men need them and are not well equipped at finding them or maintaining them. But they can be amazingly rewarding when they happen.

Roger thanks for your comments that allowed me to recall the significance of this person in my life.


You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

#220741 - 04/26/08 10:32 PM Re: Guy Love!!!! [Re: Calanthe]
dannym Offline

Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Thanks for this post, Scott. I laughed so hard - I don't watch much t.v., but I do miss scrubs - very funny stuff.

On the other topic on this thread, I have a friend - a big, football player type - we work out together everyday - he is a man who is not in touch with his emotions in the slightest bit - but we love each other very much. I am very demonstrative - and I know for a fact that he doesnt' even hug his own brothers, but he hugs me all the time (I have to initiate it, of course) and he even responds "me too" when I tell him i love him.... it is total guy love and he is very special to me.

I do NOT think he would wear matching bracelets, however - but I am sending him this video link! He'll be mortified!

Thanks again,


"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

#220897 - 04/27/08 06:47 PM Re: Guy Love!!!! [Re: Calanthe]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Very funny indeed, and I'm not even a "Scrubs" fan!

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#221045 - 04/28/08 02:12 PM Re: Guy Love!!!! [Re: roadrunner]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
I've been to various events at the local high school in my area (Like Donkey Basketball [if you don't know what it is, you're either lucky or not around rednecks all that much]) and I've noticed that there is a very physical atmosphere around a lot of the male youth these days. At half time during this "basket ball" game all the people go out to pet the donkeys etc, and I noticed there were lots of guys just being very very close to one another, putting their arms around one another and it just surprised me, because for me growing up, you didn't make physical contact with other guys like that. Maybe it was just me, I don't know. Just seeing it made me all uncomfortable and weird, and it made me feel that empty hole in my heart and I felt jealous that as a kid I was never close to anyone like that. Not girls or guys. Just me all off by myself alone and isolated.

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