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#222292 - 05/03/08 03:12 PM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: Freedom49]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Like Roger says, mourn the loss. We're here to support you in the process. There are no wrong feelings so just let them flow, whatever they are. Note them in your mind in some way so that you'll be able to process them later when the grief has subsided.

You describe the beauty of the mountains around Seattle bringing tears to your eyes and in doing so you tell us a lot about the person you are. It means you're a sensitive, caring man who knows real beauty and has real beauty in his own soul. Celebrate that beauty, Friend. It's yours to hold and pass on to others in the world around you as a free gift.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#222305 - 05/03/08 05:49 PM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: WalkingSouth]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I can relate to your pain about your abuser calling your abuse normal. My abuser was my older brother as well. And even though I told my mother, I don't want to confront my brother. My biggest fear is that he will deny it ever happened or call it "normal". I really admire you for putting your self out there to save this little kid.

I'd like to think I would but I don't know if I would have the guts to do what you did fearing the rejection from family.


"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#222341 - 05/04/08 12:50 AM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: onlyakid]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thanks for the update, Jackson. I know this has been an incredibly stressful, agonizing week for you. But your strength is clear, and I can tell you have the ability to see this through. You are doing so well with it. I pray for peace for you to continue doing what you feel is right in it.


#222345 - 05/04/08 01:06 AM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: NWcats]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: NWcats
Shame on them.

EXACTLY! Shame on them...and praises to you!

Jackson, you are absolutely blowing me away with all of this. The behavior of your brother and your parents is inexcusable...Its predictable..but still inexcusable.

You may even think to yourself "someday, they'll all see the light...they'll see that it happened and I was right to stop the adoption and confront my brother." The reality is that they may never see the light. They may never see that you are right and that your brother is dangerous.

The other thing that catches my attention here is that DSS is taking this very seriously. I thank GOD for that!!! As much as I hate to say this about DSS in any state...they are a good reality check in this case.

When the accusations and attacks start flying your way from your familiy, you can always say, "If I was so fkg wrong, why did DSS take this so seriously?"

One question I would LOVE to ask you parents: "Do you guys think childhood sexual assault is wrong?" I bet that question would get them squirming and stuttering.

Look Jackson, you are surrounded here by people who "get it." WE can always provide a reality check. The LAW provides a reality check. In this case DSS can provide a reality check. YES, you are doing the right thing. YES it hurts like hell. But I'm guessing you will not get what you want and truly need from your parents. I'm sorry, but I've heard no evidence to support any other conclusion. I hope I'm wrong.

(((Jackson))) I'm truly impressed by you sir!

#222959 - 05/07/08 03:53 AM Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: Still]
NWcats Offline

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
hi guys,
another challenging day today. I spent about an hour talking with DSS. I read a prepared statement and then took questions.
the conversation went well. i felt heard and validated although it's awfully hard to have people ask question that question my veracity. i don't necessarily think they don't believe me, but i know they have to do their job.
it makes me mad at my brother that his denials need to be countered by my having to have such a painful conversation.
the next step is that DSS has asked to speak to my T. i'm OK with that if my T is, and I can't imagine he wouldn't be.
still, i don't like that DSS needs to hear from my T that i'm not making this up!! (maybe that's not what they want to ask, i don't know...)
anyway, my job is pretty much done, I believe. now i can get back to my healing.
i'm trying hard to not focus on my brother or my parents but focus on what i have, who i am and the good in the world.
thanks again for everyone's support. it has been very important and very helpful.

*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
Ask me about both!

#222967 - 05/07/08 04:16 AM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: NWcats]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I know that was necessary but I also know it was very hard for you to sit through that. Being cross examined while you brother seems to get a free pass. It is not the way it actually is but I know it can feel that way. You did a good thing. I think looking back it will be a healing thing too.

#223005 - 05/07/08 09:13 AM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: NWcats]
Hourglass52 Offline

Registered: 04/16/08
Posts: 59
Loc: New York
Your strength to do this inspires me. When ever I have difficult moments or triggers I will remember your strength. Thank you for being so strong it makes me think that there could be an end to all of this, and people do care.

" This above all: To thine own self be true" (William Shakespeare).

#223014 - 05/07/08 12:31 PM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: Hourglass52]
tazrad Offline

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Great Job, Jackson, I am not sure I would have the courage to step up. Great Job!!!!!!


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