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#221273 - 04/29/08 04:25 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

Your father's reaction is disturbing; Disturbing in that he is causing you pain and disturbing in that he does not want to see the truth about your brother. He is or wishes to remain in heafty denial. You are pulling him out of that dark and comforting denial, into the light of truth.

He may be thinking "how dare you make me face this ugly shit!" "How dare you disturb our made-up phoney tranquility!" He wants you and everyone else to forget about your brother's past and get-on with the next chapter of life in denial oblivion.

Well fuck him! Fuck them! Fuck anyone who would risk a sacrifice of that boy. Jackson, I know this was a painful step. I know it hurts like hell. You feel like you just started an out-of-control fire and there's no stopping it now. I'm reading some pretty clear second thoughts here. You have no need to second-guess yourself here. There's no time or place on this planet that YOU could be wrong in attempting to save a child from CSA. are an absolute, fkg HERO!!!! There's no Arnold Schwartzenneger character or movie that depicts this much heroism. You just made a HUGE sacrifice for this boy you likely don't even know personally...but you DO know him. You know him when you look in the know him when you look at our avatars.

You say that "you are scared you've finally lost your family all together." My immediate reaction was that any family who would ignore a potential and likely danger to a child is not worth getting upset about. I know you would like a happy, functional relationship with your father, but from his reaction to what you are doing here...I gotta think he's just not worth it.

Did you do the right thing Hero? Hell yes! PLEASE dont worry about THAT.

BTW: My inner child says "jackson is totally awsome...thank you."


Originally Posted By: Calanthe

You deserve an award man, way to go. Way to stand up for yourself and protect someone else. What more can we hope to do as surviors.

#221294 - 04/29/08 05:24 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: Calanthe]
HurtinginMD Offline

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
U absolutely did the right thing...i would have done the same if i were in ur shoes

I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

#221321 - 04/29/08 09:41 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
Hourglass52 Offline

Registered: 04/16/08
Posts: 59
Loc: New York
OUTSTANDING! You are a super hero in my eyes. You can look in the mirror, and stand tall. You have done one of the most noble things a human being can do. You made a major sacrifice for a person you don't even know. You can be proud of yourself because you are truly a super hero. Be proud be vary proud.
Give your family some time. Some times when we have to face secrets we act out in confused ways.
I am truly impressed with your strength. Use that same strength to deal with the family turmoil now. You are a super hero, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

Edited by Hourglass52 (04/29/08 09:46 AM)
" This above all: To thine own self be true" (William Shakespeare).

#221825 - 05/01/08 02:09 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potent [Re: Hourglass52]
Chester Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 48
Loc: Long Island, NY
Does no one else realize how cool you are that you made absolutely sure you had Ice cream before you blew up your family? And you thought hanging up on your Dad took balls?

You rock, Jackson.

rock: left pocket

#221842 - 05/01/08 04:16 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potent [Re: Chester]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY

I'm proud of you!! There is no doubt you did the right thing!! I'm so proud of you!! \:\)


Recovery is Possible!

#221848 - 05/01/08 06:03 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potent [Re: Brian]
dgoods Offline

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
There's no denying the seductiveness of "...maybe if i just ignore it, it'll go away"- and every justification that follows this line of thought. You did the hard thing, the RIGHT thing; it's only human nature to want to ignore uncomfortable inner promptings (at least that's been my experience, both personally and subjectively)- there's always a million "but"s, ready to throw themselves onto initial feelings of wrongness. Yet- you didn't ignore your instincts, and presented the situation to a group of relative strangers for perusal- and though this site may not be totally unbiased, any thoughts offered, are from people you know have at least an inkling of what you're going through.
All i see are people supporting your concern and honesty. There's nothing wrong about sharing your worries; it's not as though you're making up what happened to you- any more than i'm lying about what happened to me. STAY STRONG- IT'S WORTH IT!

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

#221898 - 05/01/08 01:29 PM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potent [Re: dgoods]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2614
Loc: Central PA
You rock Jackson! Totally!

You did the right thing, and maybe you'll want to throw things at me or kick my ass, but based on your dads reaction, I think he's one hell of a bastard! WTF! Vindictive? Fuck vindictive, you're trying to protect a child, I think there's nothing greater than protecting children! If someone wants to think that protecting children is "vindictive" then I hope one day people will see me as the most "vindictive" bastard on the face of the earth.

Little me wants to give you a hug!

Go You!

#221913 - 05/01/08 02:31 PM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potent [Re: Calanthe]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Jackson - look man, you had to do what was right inside your gut and given all you know about CSA and your own case, I hope I would have done the same thing.

Offenders do re-offend and predicting it with certainty is difficult if not impossible. You behaved with due prudence and consideration for all involved.

The negative feedback from the family was predictable. Yes your Father's reaction was, another writer said, indeed 'disturbing'.

Edited by hogan_dawg (05/01/08 02:32 PM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

#222235 - 05/03/08 03:58 AM Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: hogan_dawg]
NWcats Offline

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Hi guys,
First, thanks so much for all of your supporting words. It's meant a lot to me these last few day to have the positive reinforcement and the community.
Here's the update: DSS has reopened the case. The social worker is re-interviewing people and I had a brief conversation with her Thursday. I'm supposed to interviewed by her and her bosses sometime next week.
She told me my brother said what happened between us was "normal"!!!!!!!
I've heard nothing from my abusing brother or my parents.
Today was very hard for me. I think the pain of all this began to surface. I had a good cry this morning. Driving to work the sun was illuminating the mountains here in Seattle and it was quite beautiful. That brought some tears.
This afternoon driving home from work I broke down. The voices in my head wouldn't quiet down and I felt very frightened and desperate.
I got home and sobbed while my partner held me. I kept saying that I want it to stop.
It's been a few hours now and I feel a bit better.
This much is clear: My little boy is desperate for his parents love and care and he ain't getting it. I know it's up to me to care for him now and I know I can do that.
That doesn't make it easier to calm that voice inside of me.
This whole week has been tremendously re-traumatizing and I'm not surprised that my insides came spilling out.
It hurts a lot.
One of the things I am learning from the WOR is to embrace the pain we all have. Today, my own pain became too much for me to hold.
So now I ask you all to hold some of my pain with me.
This week it's been like my brother is abusing me again and my parents are watching him do it. I've gone to them for help and they don't believe me. Shame on them.
Earlier I felt like I lost my family. Now I feel like my family has lost me.
I'm a better man than they'll ever be locked in their cave of lies.
I pray this gets better.
Peace, I hope.

*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
Ask me about both!

#222239 - 05/03/08 04:49 AM Re: Hurting. My abuser said what happened was normal [Re: NWcats]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Something has died today and you are feeling it. Your little Jackson knows it and he is grieving. Hold the funeral or wake or whatever you do for such things. Mourn and be sad for it is indeed a great loss. This loss of a fathers love, a mothers love, and a brothers love that you deserved and never really had. For if you had that, they would have been there to protect and care for you when you needed it. It is a great loss and one I am all to familiar with. I weep with you my friend Jackson.
Take a symbol, some momento of that loss and bury it and mark it for it will never return.

Some day in the future your family may heal as you will heal and you may know the love of Family again. It will be a birth, not a resurrection.

What died this week needed to. It had been ill for a long long time and was beginning to infect you. What may be born in the future will be different in many ways but it will never resemble what has died this week. And that is for the better. If something in the future should arise in your family's heart for you it will not be the sick, fake, thing you will bury now. It will be real and it will be painful and awkward but it will be honest. I am not saying it will ever happen. I am saying that IF it does let it be what it is and not what you wish it to be. What we all have wished it to be. Let it be what ever it is and love it and accept it slowly and with your heart and your eyes wide open.

lots of love Jackson....

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