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#220321 - 04/25/08 06:05 AM 1500
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State

Ok This is my 1500th post. I made a deal with someone special that this would be a landmark post for me in a very personal way. I would release some more of the guilt and shame I had been carrying finally once and for all when I had posted my 1500th post.

So much of my time here, so much of my reading and replying has probably been due to guilt and stuff and what I would probably describe as penance for a wasted life. A couple of people C and B have called me on it and told me I need to set a limit and move on. Kind of like 4000 Hail Marys or Our Fathers.

So we set a limit. I have reached it. I did not get here by just posting hi and hellos either. There was a particular point to each one with maybe two or three exceptions. Sorry Robbie.

Another thing I have been called on is the way I have of signing off on some of my posts in a self deprecating way and trying to negate my contribution by or I could just be full of s__t which I later changed to or this could just be me.

You guys are good. One cant get away with much on this site. So along with my therapist recommendations, my buddies at the WoR, and my friends and best critics here, I reach my goal and accept absolution from myself.

So here it goes, I am dumping it now.
I repeat the affirmations that Howard gave me.

I will forgive myself.

I will forgive my father.

I will accept the forgiveness of others.

I will forgive little roger and refuse to blame him anymore.

I am a good boy and a good man and a good father.

So why am I crying? Maybe for joy at last?

#220322 - 04/25/08 06:09 AM Re: 1500 [Re: Freedom49]
HurtinginMD Offline

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
My Friend I salute you......i have so much respect for you... you befriended a newbie and have been a good friend. Congrats on the landmark (and i don't mean the posting). You're an example to us all.


I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

#220324 - 04/25/08 06:13 AM Re: 1500 [Re: HurtinginMD]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
well done mon

well doneth.


#220340 - 04/25/08 10:37 AM Re: 1500 [Re: frost]
DanM Offline

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California

You are a good man, husband, friend and father. I am glad that you are finally allowing youself to believe it, because we all have known it for a long time.

I congratulate you on hitting the 1,500 mark. You have contribute so much to all of our recoveries and I want to personally thank you for your thoughtful comments and insight. As someone else said, "you have been and inspiration".

Just remember that you have many friends on here who think the world of you. It is nice to see that you are beginning to see why we feel that way!

Much love to you Roger.


#220341 - 04/25/08 11:05 AM Re: 1500 [Re: DanM]
arronb Offline

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hey Roger ...

Woo Hoo 1500 Congratulations \:\)

Thank you for your posts, guidance and friendship,
you truly are the voice ...

Keep Smilin'

#220345 - 04/25/08 11:35 AM Re: 1500 [Re: arronb]
johnnymike Offline

Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 56
Loc: Central Ohio
1500 is quite a milestone. I am sure that does not count the supportive private messages you send. Thank you for all your posts and contributions. You are a good man.

#220350 - 04/25/08 11:55 AM Re: 1500 [Re: johnnymike]
Hourglass52 Offline

Registered: 04/16/08
Posts: 59
Loc: New York
I have a Personal Bill Of Rights that I found, and I read it 3- 25 times a day. It realy helps me stay focused. Just Google Personal Bill of Rights. You can coppy one, or make your own.

" This above all: To thine own self be true" (William Shakespeare).

#220368 - 04/25/08 01:23 PM Re: 1500 [Re: Hourglass52]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
Congratulations Roger. Your posts have been beyond helpful to me, and it is obvious others feel the same. I am glad you were able to affirm all these things, as you are deserving of all that and more.

#220375 - 04/25/08 01:49 PM Re: 1500 [Re: ericc]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2652
Loc: durham, north england
Wow Roger, congrats. Your insites and kindness are a really major influence here I think, ---- I've certainly noticed them. In fact even what you say above about self-deprication and constant appology gives me something to think about right now.

Whatever you feel about the rest of your life, your doing a lot of good here I'd say, and I don't mean that in a "penance" type way, just to state the truth as It appears to me.

#220379 - 04/25/08 02:15 PM Re: 1500 [Re: dark empathy]
ineffable Offline

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Proud of you R mon


"now get yerself some ice cream"

:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::

#220382 - 04/25/08 02:23 PM Re: 1500 [Re: dark empathy]
king tut Offline

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2488
Loc: UK
well done Roger, i think lots of people on this site would be in a much darker place if it wasnt for your support. I'm glad to see that you have set this target, i do worry about you sometimes, i worry that you are so busy helping everybody else that you dont pay youself enough attention. I must admit i cant stop smiling when i think of you smiling, its infectious, your so far away and i've never actually met you but the thought of you finding joy really makes me smile, and gives me hope
love you


#220384 - 04/25/08 02:24 PM Re: 1500 [Re: ineffable]
hogan_dawg Offline

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
For me, the self deprecating remarks come from not wanting to sound like an arrogant asshole like my perpetrator, and getting in a row with someone who might call me on my assholishness. So it's fear based I suppose, for me. I still do it when I don't need to do it.

I'll revisit the idea given what you've said and maybe look into how I'm really putting myself down when I do it. Like a habit.

Well, that's just me I suppose. IMHO. I'm sorry. Never mind. Go on with your talk...


Edited by hogan_dawg (04/25/08 02:47 PM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

#220389 - 04/25/08 02:51 PM Re: 1500 [Re: ineffable]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762

Congrats to you. I do consider you a friend. You have helped me get over some tough hurdles in my life. I'm glad we met and shared a room at WoR.

You are a good man and a good father. Proud of you. Your should also be proud of yourself.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#220398 - 04/25/08 03:43 PM Re: 1500 [Re: KENKEN]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Lots of love Roger, you have been a wonderful help to me.

Little Roger never needed to be forgiven, he never did anything wrong, he was just a child and he came through it all amazingly. What wonderfully strong little boy he is, and what a wonderful man he has become.

Stay strong my friend


#220399 - 04/25/08 03:45 PM Re: 1500 [Re: ineffable]
AndyJB2005 Offline

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1249
Loc: Minnesota
Good job, Roger. Boy, you're fast. \:\)

Good goods to set. \:\)

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

#220400 - 04/25/08 04:00 PM Re: 1500 [Re: AndyJB2005]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2614
Loc: Central PA
Rock On Roger!


You're doing great stuff here, helping many, and in turn getting help, being helped, and helping yourself!

Then again, I could just be full of ____!


Love ya man.

#220401 - 04/25/08 04:07 PM Re: 1500 [Re: ineffable]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Roger,

Thanks for your contributions and encouragement thus far to all here at MS. You're an example of how we can all help each other, while working on our own issues at the same time.

I would, however, like to comment on this in your post:


I will forgive little roger and refuse to blame him anymore.

I hope you can see that Little Roger does not need to be forgiven, for he is guilty of nothing. An innocent child. He was just trying to survive as best he knew how, given the tools he had at his disposal. That's all any of us were doing. Little Roger was a great kid.


#220477 - 04/25/08 08:29 PM Re: 1500 [Re: EGL]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I understand Eddie and Mike about little Roger, now anyway. For a long time I blamed him for not stopping what was happening. I was wrong. You are absolutely correct he was not to blame and did nothing wrong. I realize that now. I said I forgave him more for me than for him. He never needed it. We are good friends now and to make up I bought him a blankie and another teddy bear which we sleep with now. We are at peace at last on several levels. I think the hardest part was not forgiving my father but was forgiving myself. That was a surprise to me but looking back I should have seen it coming.

Thanks to all for you kind words. I appreciate it so much and Scott you are not full of s__t. LOL

#220522 - 04/25/08 10:54 PM Re: 1500 [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Hey, well done! I'm glad you decided to commemorate this one. Here's something to think about for the next 1500:

Originally Posted By: Freedom49
I am a good boy and a good man and a good father.

So why am I crying? Maybe for joy at last?

Yes, for joy I'm sure. And probably also for realizing the truth of something you may have denied for too long? The truth that there was never anything wrong with you? That it was never you, but the abuse that was messed up and wrong?

I hope your progress by no. 3000 is just as positive and uplifting.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#220535 - 04/25/08 11:29 PM Re: 1500 [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Cheers to you El-Roger
you are all those things and more. forgot a good friend ;\)
..3000 heck thats just around the corner \:D

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#221295 - 04/29/08 05:26 AM Re: 1500 [Re: GateKPR4]
Magoo Offline

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 48
Loc: far, far away
Got scared a second there, Rog. Thought you were signing off or someting!

I came here not too long ago seeking who I was now that my 'secret' was out after 37 years of silence.
You, my friend, were one of the first people who made me feel welcome and accepted.

I appreciate your being here sharing and helping.

I bow to your light...


#221296 - 04/29/08 05:37 AM Re: 1500 [Re: Magoo]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California

Congratulations. What an amazing amount of progress. Thank you for sharing your process.
Congratulations man.


You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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